dear mama

I've had a satiny Moody Blues tune rocking between my ears all day. "Letters I've written/Never meaning to send" the lyrics sing to me. Yet, I cannot think of a single time I've ever written a letter and did NOT post it. Whatever would be the point of such an exercise? Even blogging is sent out there for any and all, or none, to read. This writing is truly letters to myself, mostly, to help me put my life into proper perspective, to rage against the dying of the light, to revel in the new day.

Well, this new day was the ninth Mother's Day since my mother's death in 2001. It has come along, again, still, though I am ever so much better with it as time continues its march forward, ever forward, regardless of human events, be they celebratory or lamentable. I would very much like to have called Mama and told her of my day, but, as that is no longer an option, I'll write to her instead. Perhaps that shall suffice to solace my desire to communicate with her.

Dearest Mama,
What a wonderful day I've had! I really didn't do much this morning, just got the clothes sorted for laundry. I very nearly, several times, thought I would go ahead and do them... but that chore can wait for Monday, I do believe. After all, I don't usually have anything but school and my favorite tv shows scheduled for that evening. So there!
I had thought I might go to a movie, but I never really got motivated to do so. Truly, I pretty well spent the morning in front of the computer or filing things away. Amazing how quickly paperwork can pile up, given half a chance. The fellow who mows my front yard came by and did so, waiting until after 11am "in case I was sleeping in." The yard looks ever so much better, though the back is still a wreck, as it hasn't been mowed even once this year. I need to either get the lawn mower fixed or I need to buy a new one, because I really cannot keep paying to get the work done that I could be doing myself.
Anywho, I knew I had been invited to an early dinner with Deatre and John and the kids today, but I didn't know just when that was to be. Well, about the time the front yard (no, I can't dignify it with the word "lawn") was getting mowed, Deatre sent a picture of the kids to my cellphone. The time was then set at 5pm for the dinner at the Longhorn's in Pooler. Where it is allegedly cooler! hahaha! Where was I? Oh, yeah, not yet noon and I had time to do anything or nothing - so I spent a little more time on the computer, thinkin' 'bout this letter, but not quite ready to write it.
I finally decided to go ahead and get dressed in real clothes, rather than the stuff I was wearing. I knew I wanted to wear my pretty black skirt, you know the one I bought for the Mediterranean cruise years ago? Oh, wait, you were already gone for that, so I guess you wouldn't know. Anyway, it's a knee-length, lined, thin cotton number, with a pretty lace trim near the hemline. The top was one I had also bought for the trip: narrow horizontal black and white stripes, three-quarter sleeves, and a loose bow on the left end of the oval neckline. Together, the outfit is one of my girliest, and I always feel cute when I wear it. Especially with the little black leather flats I bought for dancing on New Year's Eve 2007!
So, there I was, all dressed up, nowhere to go... But, wait a minute!!! That's right, I had a concert to attend! Oh, Lord, what WAS I thinking??? The JEA was generously providing a free concert by the Savannah Arts Academy's Silver Winds Ensemble at 3pm... and it was almost time for it to start! Off I raced, getting there just in time for the beginning of the show, even managing to snag a seat. And what a wonderful concert it was! Dr. Hutchinson, the band director, is truly fabulous and we even, at one point, got to all say "Happy Mother's Day!" to his out-of-town mom. Lots of music I had never heard before and most likely will never hear again. Oh, except the one that was a medley of American folk songs, including "skip to my lou"! That was fun! The whole concert was fun, and I do believe that's the most relaxed I've ever seen Dr. H in all these years.
The show was right at 90 minutes, so I had to go ahead to Pooler straight off. I managed to find the Longhorn my first try (!) and even made it there ahead of the Denions (!!!), so I got us on the list and we waited. And waited. With an increasingly agitated 8-year-old and 4-year-old. For an hour. But the food was very good (I actually ordered a filet mignon, medium, and it was a choice bit of meat!), our waitress was pretty good at juggling, and I got to try something new: blackberry lemonade. Yum! Good food, great company! And when the bill came, they refused, adamantly, to let me pay for mine or even leave a tip. I even arm-wrestled John for it, with his weak arm (like THAT would make a difference!). The nearby table got a kick out of THAT, lemme tell ya. John and Deatre insisted that they had invited me, they wanted to pay to show me how special I was TO THEM. Wow. I told them how much it had meant to me for the kids to send me a "you've been like a mother to us" card, how very special they were TO ME.
You know, sometimes I forget I have such a loving extended family. Just because I don't have anyone in the house with me, I sometimes feel all alone, I need to remember that I am NEVER alone. Someone who knows me and loves me is as close as a phone call or a keystroke away. Even you are always just a thought away from me. Thank you for all your love, all these years, all of your support, even when you didn't believe in the path I had chosen. Especially when you didn't agree with my choices. I always knew that you loved me, no matter what I did, what I thought, where I went. Thank you for that.