ggbd 2011

i can’t believe this day slipped up on me. i have been SO trapped by my parental units’ game-playing that one of the most important days of THE YEAR started without me even acknowledging it. How did that happen???
i know what you’re thinking, how unlike me to be getting so worked up, right? Cool, detached, THAT is more like ME. But here i am USING CAPS and far too many exclamation points!!! That is so wrong and yet i cannot stop doing it. Maybe my mom is right and I’m hormonal. Do goth girls even HAVE hormones???
Cripes. Shite. Fourteen is a very strange number. As two weeks it’s somewhat workable, but as an age it’s … it’s… idk, just not quite as dark as it should be, yk? i’ve talked to my grandmother – yeah, like THAT wasn’t an odd thing to do, but she was here and mom wasn’t, yet again. Speaking of people who weren’t here, my paternal parent came back over the ocean and DIDN”T EVEN COME HOME. Why, did i scare him away? Is that why he and my mom may get d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d, because of me and my dark hair and dark nails and dark clothes?? i was told he has a woman in Texas that he's been staying with for two weeks. i'm trying to stay detached, but it's more like numb.
Life has just become too complex lately. Why can’t i have it like it was this time last year? i didn’t even get to go to Dragon*Con last year and that was totally wrong. My mom’s BFF was like trying to be funny and she said “well, if Alan Ruck won’t be there, then I think I’ll not go, either”. For real, she said that. Ever since he touched her hand in 2009 I think she’s had a little crush on him. For REAL. Shouldn't people stop having crushes when they reach a certain age, like, idk, 25 or something?
Anyway, since she wouldn’t be coming, we didn’t go. i think my dad was in Texas then, too. Just wrong. So for Labor Day weekend, i wore extra heavy eyeliner and black lipstick and dressed up like the punk goth schoolgirl i am ANYWAY. For the whole three days. Around the house it really didn’t even raise an eyebrow, but that was fine. i went to MY BFF’s house and we looked at the pictures from 2008’s Dragon*Con. My stupid older brother and me went for the first time that year, with my mom’s BFF and her friend Sam Johnson. He wasn’t able to walk, so he had a scooter, and that was pretty cool. He had been to LOTS of Dragon*Cons and was a lot of fun! But he’s dead now and i don’t know if Dragon*Con is even worth it to me without him. YK?

Treasure Savannah

You're driving along, going to the beach, enjoying the breeze... and travel comes to an absolute STOP. Grumble, grumble. Then I see it! A casual glance out the window reveals a vertical rainbow, leaping amongst the clouds. Wow!

letter to an emotionally abused friend

My dearest BFF,
You had been making such progress toward autonomy, but I fear the worst over the past few days. You have so little sense of self-worth, though all who know you think you are poised and beautiful and strong and smart. I do wish you could see yourself through our eyes, but that is a very difficult thing which few of us are able to master for any extended period of time.
The man you thought your soulmate has wounded you emotionally yet again. That's right, AGAIN. If this were the first time, given your love of him, then forgiveness would certainly be a plausible direction to take. After about two years, the trust you once had in him might have been restored, if you both had worked hard, him to earn your trust, you to truly forgive him and leave the hurt in the past. You know this to be true, you and he have already had this experience in regaining what was lost.
And now, this is yet another time that this person has betrayed your trust in him, that he has abused your love, that he has hurt your soul. This time was different, though. This time, you caught him and he did not know his betrayal had been discovered. This time, you had ample opportunity to rally your friends, your family, your support group, to your side. This time, you were able to set plans in motion, plans to protect your children, your home, your financial well-being, with him blithely unaware. This time, you could monitor his actions, gathering information for lawyers to use on your behalf. This time, you even took that first step with a lawyer to separate yourself from the abuser.
Then he calls and you go silent on your support network, preferring his lies to our truths. He says he has forsaken his mistress of the past two years to return to your side - and you believe him. When you do allow us to to know what is happening, we urge you to be cautious, to learn from the mistakes of ourselves, our friends, our family members. More silence from you as you meet him for lunch, for dinner, alone, none of your support group to keep a watchful eye.
Your teenaged son, what is he to make of this? Remember how hard you and his father were on him when you found out he was having sex? What lesson is this that you are now teaching him? Go ahead, do whatever you want to whoever you want? It's okay to abuse others?
Your teenaged daughter, new to the dating rituals, what is she to make of your actions? Are repeated immoral acts and emotional abuse to be repeatedly forgiven and allowed? How is she to learn to trust the boys she dates when she cannot even trust her father to respect and stay true to her mother?
I have wept so much for you these past few weeks, but I cannot make your choices for you. And I do fear what those choices might be, have been, and how they will hurt you in the future.
Know this: I still love you. And I will go by my dear Mama's advice: I may not always agree with your choices, but I will always support YOU.
Please, trod carefully. Your heart is not the only one trampled by his selfish and careless acts.
wmla.

Treasure Savannah

Did yyou hear that??? That SMACK as leather ball meets wooden bat, that soft whoosh through the air! Watch the red dust as the batter streaks toward first base! Oh, yes!!!
My boys of summer, the glorious Sand Gnats, have their first game on April 7th, but in West Virginia. I'll have to be patient and wait eight days for their first home game. Come on, April 15th, you're more than a tax deadline to ME!

turtles