litany of 1st world woes

Ta Dah!
I'm here! How are you doing, Tony?
I've been a little blue lately. Actually, ever since Robin Williams' death, I've just not quite had my joie de vivre going. I had my annual blood work drawn last Friday and I go to the doctor on the 10th to get the results. I'll talk to her about this general malaise I have and see what she recommends.
Maybe I'm just tired of being in a hot house. That is definitely becoming a drag. Ah, well, it's my own choice - if I really wanted to have the the AC fixed, I could just knuckle under and spend the money. As it is, there's only about another month of hot days, then we should be done with that. These highs in the 90's are rough.
Sorry to hear about the old man dying there. The VA has had quite a bit of that in the news, with folks dying while waiting for an appointment. There have even been cases of people dying while waiting to get on to a surgeon's schedule! Absolutely bad. I have found that I sometimes have a two or three month wait before I can see my VA doc - but that isn't much different than the wait I used to have for my civilian doc. Or for my dentist.
Anywho - I'm going to Tallahassee this weekend. Yeah! Secrest and I are going there for the Southeast premiere of a movie I helped support. That's right - when they were looking for funding on kickstarter, I added my $154 to the pile and they were successful! Now, two years later, the musical is done, it's won some awards at film festivals around the world, and it is traveling from England to the US to theaters around the country. Cool, right? I am excited about that. I'm hoping Penny and her family will go see the film with us, as well as Aunt Linda. It'll be shown twice, on Saturday and Sunday, one time each afternoon. I hope to attend both screenings, but we shall see.
Okay - time to get my silly self in gear and drive on out of here!
with my love

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I have lost my joie de vivre. I cannot seem to shake this general malaise which has beset me.
Robin Williams' death still saddens me deeply.
I'm tired of writing loans to myself and rocketing my debt higher and higher. I had really banked on getting a full-time teaching position this fall. I did not, and I do not believe I will ever be allowed to do so. After all, it is well known that the department head wants that chemistry series to be gone. Maybe that has changed since he has been teaching the class this past year. I doubt I will ever know.
I've been put into a position of leadership for the Light The Night team for the College of Science and Technology. I had named the team four years ago and my friend decided that was reason enough to put me in charge. I cannot even muster enough support to get a job in that college. How on Earth can I convince them to donate to this cause?
The ever-huggable Hai has unfriended me on fb... and didn't even bother to let me know he was doing so. He has not yet responded to my new request for friendship on that site.
These highs in the 90's are making me hot and sweaty all the time. No escape in my hot little house with no air conditioning.
My ex may have damaged his pancreas with his alcohol use. People think just the liver can be affected, but it's the pancreas that has to deal with regulation of sufficient insulin to handle that influx of liquid sugar.
My middle brother continues to live in the woods, starting each day with a '40' and ending it that same way. He complains about the heat, too. I am concerned about him, but he refuses to get treatment. He refuses to even consider it.
My house is a mess. At least I finally washed dishes last night.
My life is a mess. That's probably why my house reflects that.
My deck is rotting. I have become afraid to go into my back yard through my back door, for fear my foot will fall through another rotten board. I had thought my older brother might help with that repair, but not so far.
I miss the oak tree that was outside my bedroom window.
I regret that so much that was important to me in my younger years is now lost. In particular, I would have liked to see the naval stations I served at one more time before they were torn down. Instead, I found out about their demise too late to have been able to do so.
My weight loss program is going nowhere. I need a sponsor, someone who will hold me accountable. Actually, I need someone who will cook and grocery shop for me, so I will only have healthy, filling meals.
My last boyfriend has a new live-in girlfriend. Harry contacted me just days ago to thank me for an email I had sent about his fb account. It's not that I regret pushing him away three years ago - I don't - but it's sad that door is closed. Maybe we can actually be friends now.
My youngest brother is still in prison and will be there for some undetermined future amount of time. It's difficult to determine what to do with him when he is released until we know when that will be.
My boys of summer lost their bid at being champions two years in a row. A bad call at home plate is to blame, but that doesn't help them. They played well, but lost because of someone's bad decision. That is sad. I almost cried when the fans stood, turned toward their dugout, and cheered for the good baseball the team had given us.
My youngest brother's grandkids did not even once go to the baseball games. I had bought their memberships in the Gnats' kid club, which would have magically granted them access into all seventy games this season. Their mom would not ever agree to meet with me. Very sad for the kids to be have been deprived of this summer entertainment and for me to have been deprived of their company.
My stepmom is far too busy for us to have our time together. I miss her and our grown-girl talks.
I seem to be crying more than usual lately. I think I am spending too much time alone. I know I definitely need cuddling, but that is not forthcoming. I am very tired of that lack in my life.
I haven't seen my "little sister" and her kids in at least three years. I had hoped to meet up with them midway-ish this summer, but they did not travel out of California after all. My little sister was supposed to have come to Savannah last month, but I heard nothing from her.
My BFF is finally separated from her emotionally abusive husband. She wants divorce, he is refusing. The emotional abuse continues, in the form of his seduction of women he wishes she was. I think that is the most cruel move of all.
I don't even know who to talk to about these things. I hate to rain pain on anyone else. I'm hoping that throwing this out there from my beach will turn this grief into lagan.
My first niece is so inundated with family issues that I cannot even seem to hold a conversation with her. I actually stopped a topic in mid-discussion while she handled a phone call and she didn't even pick up the trail afterward.
I had the same issue arise with my BFF this past weekend.
In general, I don't seem to hold anyone's attention for long enough for them to hear ME.
Tomorrow makes a year since the death of my stepbrother George.

I keep taking on too much responsibility for other people's happiness.
I need to stop being such a control freak.
I need a hug that lasts until I stop it.

Bitch, bitch, moan, and complain.