cremains and pageantry

Yesterday was pretty damned surreal.
In the dictionary, surreal is defined as "having the disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream".
Yesterday was very much surreal.
First thing in the morning, it's off to Greenwich Cemetery for the burial of my stepbrother's cremains.
I must admit, I don't see the point of burying ashes and fragments of burned bone. I really don't.
I can understand the desire of folks wanting a place with a headstone to come visit now and again. I most assuredly can.
But why must the little box or vase containing the bits and pieces be buried?
I do not know.
So, there I was, in the sunshine of a blue sky day, waiting with family for the little wooden box to be placed into the little hole in my stepdad's plot. Sharing hugs, holding hands, swatting at mosquitoes.
That last bit seemed a bit surreal, right there. Such a solemn gathering to mark the end of a life - and yet, there we were, all swatting at biters and scratching itchy red welts on arms and necks and legs. We might as well have been in a marsh, digging for crabs. The scene was definitely askew.
After the short ceremony, we all went our separate ways. I returned home.
I had thought I might go out to lunch, but I did not. In fact, I finished off the taco rice I had made for dinner a couple of nights before. Taco rice? Yeah, it's something the OriWhiGirl had turned me onto when I had gone with her to Okinawa in 2004... or was it 2005? No matter. The dish is super easy and very tasty: rice piled into a plate, then topped with taco filling (meat with tomatoes, salsa, spices), then topped with shredded lettuce and shredded cheese. Good comfort food!
I had omitted the lettuce, as I am not keen on that vegetable. The dish was still quite tasty and was even better this second time.
I spent the afternoon working around the house, awaiting the evening's outing to the onset of the Ocean Film Festival. The peace Guy called: he was thinking of returning here tomorrow by catching a ride with the film teacher. Any possibility of me returning him to Jet City on Sunday?
YES!!! Oh, fabulous! I would have him here this weekend to brighten my days!
Then time had arrived to bop downtown for the two films and two shorts from the folks at Gray's Reef National Marine Sanctuary. I put everything else out of my mind and concentrated on the here and now, welcoming the diversion from the earlier events and stress of this week. I sat in the very first row, achieving a near-IMAX experience in the small theatre. And, oh, how very lovely and how thought-provoking and what a definite distraction! After the spotlight film on the plastic-filled gyre in the Pacific Ocean, the film-maker held an extended question and answer session. Very educational!
Afterward, I had a bit of time before my next scheduled event, so I walked over to City Market and window shopped a bit. Not wanting to spend any money, I thought the safest place for me was Ellis Square, the great lovely park above the underground parking garage. Ah, very peaceful! Just the sound of the splashing, upward-thrown, streams in the play fountain was so very calming!
In about an hour, I strolled over to the 2013 Miss Savannah Pride Pageant. The evening gown competition, question and answer segment, and talent show would be performed before the live audience and a panel of judges. This was a drag show that was serious and the five contestants would receive a massive crown and the title for one year.
And about halfway through the talent show it occurred to me: this was happening on the same day that my stepbrother's ashes were buried. Not only was this happening on that same day, but I had chosen to be here for this event.
But of course I had.
I had been planning to attend for well over a month, after receiving a personal invitation from my dear Blair Williams. Blair and I both attend the same church, both enjoy singing and dancing to rock and roll music and showtunes, and both used to attend the monthly lesbian potluck dinners that once were regular events and now are rather rare. Blair had invited me and I had accepted and so I was there.
Surreal.
But after midnight, everything was gonna be alright... and it was, too. Trixie won the competition, as I had hoped she would. For her talent, she had performed a song and dance from "Hairspray" and had been spot-on as Tracy, the teenager who just wanted to be able to dance with anyone, regardless of color or anything else.
How appropriate, right???
A good way to start a new day, too.

letter

Today, I received the letter I had written at the Bowl Burning Ceremony last year. I had wondered what had happened to it, as I had thought it was to be returned to me around Thanksgiving. I knew there were some of my forecasted changes which had not occurred, so I was expecting to read those parts and either grin or grimace. And so I did.
But, surprisingly, there were other parts which I had forgotten. I had written of how much I had enjoyed going to Las Vegas with Paul and Cathy and how much I closer I now felt to Cathy. True!
I had written of going to Myrtle Beach with my bird and how much I had enjoyed that experience. True! I had also written of my feelings for him and I was a bit surprised at what I had said. I'll certainly have to give that more thought.
The biggest change I had forecast apparently got lost along the way. I was going to straighten up the house and have folks over more often. More dinners, more get-togethers, game nights and such. Never happened. Hmmm. THAT definitely SHOULD happen... and I'm going to see that it does.
One of the good things I did last year was get a lot of STUFF out of the house. eBay has been quite helpful with that, even paying for my airfare to San Francisco and home from Las Vegas. I think my total items vamoosed is more than 200, which is definitely an accomplishment.
I even cleared out enough that I have an actual GUEST ROOM, which has been successfully used by friends and family. AND, when my bird flew here to nest, I not only helped him locate some furniture for his new nest, but I also supplied him with a chest of drawers. An EMPTY chest of drawers - that's right, I had managed to empty out four drawers full of STUFF. Again, rather impressive doings, as my tendency is more toward pack rat than neatnik.
So, in retrospect, I have done rather well at accomplishing most of the goals set forth in my letter to myself. Now, to invite folks over more often... definitely doable!
And I would follow the advice of Erma Bombeck, one smart cookie! "IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's."
More "I'm sorry's."
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it .. live it and never give it back."
Good advice for a new year!