you can't go home again

Here's the trouble with time travel: in order to get what you want, you have to DO what you DID. Past choices are the path followed to today, like it or not. Any change in those past choices will affect your present day. Your high school sweetie turns out to be a hound dog, so you choose to NOT sleep with him on your birthday and NOT get knocked up? Congratulations on the loss of the future daughter, and subsequent son, who you love so dearly.
I watched "Peggy Sue Got Married" this afternoon, in lieu of going to a local cinema. Partly I chose to stay home because I didn't want to go into the tire-melting heat of the summer day. But that wasn't the only factor. I've had this movie beside my computer for several days now - maybe even more than a week! - so I could see Nicholas Cage sing.
Mama and I had gone to see the movie when it first came out in 1986, while I was still attending college here. We had both loved it and loved seeing Nicholas Cage and Kathleen Turner. So, I bought the movie when it was released on VHS and she and I watched it again. Then I purchased it -for a final time?- when I was switching over to the dvd format, so we could watch it any time we wanted.
Why the sudden desire to see Cage's performance again? Well, one of my favorite songs on Tom Jones' "the lead and how to swing it" is titled "A Girl Like You". The beat is hypnotic and sensual and rhythmic... well, you get my drift, right? Coupled with that singular Welsh voice, the song makes for great company. I had a copy of the cd quite a few years back, but it was lost along the way; perhaps it was borrowed and never returned? I only know that when one of my friends posted some lyrical phrases from one of Sir Tom's songs, I simply HAD to have that cd once more. The folks at eBay were kind enough to allow me to 'win" it.
Meanwhile, as I was waiting for my "prize" to arrive, I started searching youTube on the off chance that the song had ever had a video... and it did!!! Not by Mr. Jones, no indeed. That would have been quite the find! But, no. Instead, I found several DIFFERENT songs by that title, songs which were good but not THE song. Then, success! I found the actual video by the original group, The Wolfgang Press, a group who so impressed Mr. Jones that he had asked them to write, for him, another song for that same album (cd). They complied, giving him "Show Me", another strong single, to me at least. I don't know that any of the songs ever made it to the radio.
So, what's the connection to the movie??? Well, the lead singer reminded me of Nicholas Cage. Just superficially, mind. Right height, right build, right smoky eyes and smokier voice. Oh, yeah. And I remembered that Cage had sung a couple of songs in the movie, so I wanted to compare, see how well I was remembering. I was SO off! In the movie, his voice was such a kid's voice through much of it, not yet having mellowed with time, smoke, and drink until his later years... but his singing voice was just fine. There was something about the way he looked while singing, while holding the microphone, and THAT was what had triggered the memory while watching the music video.

invisible trees

"Am I gonna learn this time/ am I gonna try to get around it/ am I gonna reach the vine/ when will I realize that I found it?" So begins one of those songs that get into your head and and won't let go, songs with an ulterior motive, working on your subconscious mind. Moreover, the song is NOT one ever heard on the radio and I wouldn't have ever been exposed to it except I was married to a music man. The song is called "Invisible Tree" and it's sung by Josh Clayton-Felt, a young man taken off this planet by a strain of the great virus Cancer. I like the song, an anthem to a human tendency to make mountains out of molehills, to play what if. Now, there's a game with absolutely no winners and it's a real time-consuming and energy-sapping beast, engaged in more often than it should be.

"Some are gonna know it's there/ some will say you're only wishin'/ some are gonna be too scared/ don't wanna know what they are missin'." Not making a decision for fear of it being the wrong one, not believing in your own path because others haven't yet walked it, not asking for something desired for fear of hearing a negative answer; not making a move because of the invisible tree in your path, the monster in the closet, the bugaboo haunting your thoughts. The loss of faith in your own ability to choose your own path. How does that happen? One moment, you can see the future laid out before you, even the bends in the road being gentle enough to assure that the path is safe and bright. Then, an obstacle rises before you, cutting you off forever from that sure path and forcing you to make a decision: stay planted with past ghosts on that narrow blocked path, surmount the obstacle and regain your path, or force your way through the dimly lit underbrush to create a new path.

Well, I like to travel and have done so my entire life, ever since I was a baby and my mother would roll me around the apartment in the stroller to calm me. Since I cannot retreat into the past (because of the nature of time on this planet), and I have already climbed over this hurdle once before and cannot do so again, then it's my choice to forge a new way, yet again. Adventure, that magic word for me, awaits. One step at a time, my girl, one small step at a time to find a new bright future., acknowledging the presence of invisible trees and swinging on their vines.

peace

Ah. Hear that? Nothing but the hum of the computer fan in the foreground. No television burbling its incessant stream of noise, no traffic sounds grinding in the street. This is one of the reasons I like this time of night. The day has had its moment, the evening is winding to a close. Time to turn on the mattress pad (soothing, comforting warmth!) and chill in front of the computer's unblinking eye for a bit. This has been "my time" for years now. Anyone else in the house would be asleep and I could do whatever I wanted for a while. The only thing that would make this time better is a cup of hot chocolate or warm eggnog. Hmmm.... now, THERE's a worthy course of action!