resolution

I only made one resolution for this new year: be more sociable. I've been saying that to everyone and I think my brother put a voice to everyone's thought. This past Sunday, as the family was visiting outside a favorite restaurant, I happened to voice my resolution and my brother looked at me incredulously. His wife asked him, "what was that look for?" and his reply was, "She wants to be MORE sociable? She goes out ALL the time! She'll never be home."

Well, being sociable and going out on the town a lot are NOT the same. Going out on the town is a way of passing time, of being with others in the acquaintance category, of postponing a return to an empty abode. "Sociable" is defined as "inclined to associate with or be in the company of others." For me, to be sociable is to take an active concern in making connections with others, especially with those already known, and I have two paths to achieve that goal. First, I have realized the past few years that I have fewer presents to buy for my nieces and nephews each Christmas and each birthday, as their age advances beyond 18. My policy is to give presents up to the senior year of high school; after that, they're "adults" and it's cards only. Some kind of limit had to be constructed; after all, I have nineteen nieces and nephews, thanks to three brothers, one stepbrother, two stepsisters, two halfbrothers, and one stepsister-in-law. In addition, I have several "honorary" nieces and nephews, born to people I regard as family. I even have a great-niece and a great-nephew, with another to arrive this summer.

As it now stands, I have ten who are over the age of eighteen. One niece has just turned 26; one more niece and one nephew will follow suit in March. And I truly realized this Christmas how little I know them anymore. As they have completed high school and gone in their own directions, there are only two of them that keep in regular communication. The rest have their own lives, their own jobs, their own routines. I don't even keep any regular contact with the ones who are still in school, as their families have schedules to keep, others to see.

Truth to tell, keeping up with each other was much easier when my mother was still alive. There would be HUGE family get-togethers for Easter, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas at her and my stepdad's home, cars and kids and kinfolk spilling out into the street. After her death (Jan. 2, 2001), the family splintered off into other homes, only reuniting for Christmas. So, it's now been several years since I really had much interaction with several of my nieces and nephews, much less their parents. I miss that.

The second path to being more sociable is all internal and I will have to work at following that road on my own. This path is ALL about "inclined to associate with or be in the company of others." See that word "inclined"? That's where I truly need change. Sure, I go to a lot of events, a good number of movies, out to dinners and lunches; but I'm doing these things alone. Sometimes I prefer to be by myself, true enough. There are other times, though, that I would rather have someone with me to share the experience, but I haven't called anyone or even made any attempts to contact a friend or family member to see if they would like to join me. Why? Well, mostly I don't contact others because I get tired of hearing "no", which I tend to get because I call on the spur of the moment because I don't make plans in advance. Spontaneity is fine and dandy if one is single, but not when a person has responsibilities to others and I really don't know that many single people. Rather, I don't yet know that many single people who's idea of a good time doesn't involve a bar or alcohol, but that will change, too.

Hence, my new year's resolution for 2009 to "be more sociable." Invite family and friends to my house more often, call more often, actually get the addresses for my older nieces and nephews. Actively seek company for my ventures out and about. Participate more, visit more, laugh together MORE.