more "m" words

Hormones... You're living your life, doing just fine, and ZAP! Hormones start flooding your body, including your brain, causing you to have emotional, mental, and physical turmoil. This introduction to hormones most often occurs when one hits the teen years and has the ugly word "puberty" attached to it. Basically, your body becomes sexually mature over a span of several years and you have to try to catch up to it mentally and emotionally. Is it any wonder that teens seem off-kilter?
In addition to the internal bath of hormones, girls begin having their menses, also known as menstruation or period. This begins due to the increased production of estrogen by the ovaries. Boys suddenly find themselves getting aroused at inopportune times or by inappropriate subjects and having "wet dreams". This is caused by the increased production of testosterone by the testicles.
The end result of all these changes in hormone levels is this: adult people regard teens to be moody, temperamental, and difficult. What would you expect if you were suddenly overwhelmed by an influx of chemicals that caused your body to change in uncontrollable ways? It takes time to become accustomed to this new modus operandi of the body you once knew, it takes time for the hormonal fluctuations to become natural for you, it takes time to mentally adjust to the chemically-driven physical alterations.
Some folks never seem to settle in to their changed body. They let the physical changes dictate how they behave. But most folks adapt and learn to accept and enjoy this new phase of their lives. This is good, as this phase usually lasts several decades. That's right, I said "decades". All people, male and female, have cyclic highs and lows of the various hormones coursing through their bodies.
So, you're living your life, doing just fine, and ZAP! Your hormone levels start changing again. Dagnabbit! What terrible timing, as this generally occurs just as you have teens in the house, too. So, now you have teens in puberty and adults in peri-menopause. Ovaries slow down and eventually stop their production of estrogen and progesterone, now depriving the body of the chemicals it had grown accustomed to. This process of peri-menopause goes on for several years, just as puberty did, and can make a sane woman think she's losing her mind. She finds herself subjected to mood swings, emotional instability, irrational thoughts and behavior... just like the teenagers in her life. Dagnabbit!!!
Fortunately, this phase is also brief, lasting just few long years. It's very important to be ever-mindful of your actions during this trying time and to be more patient with yourself and with others. Once the body adjusts to THIS new paradigm, the cessation of these internally manufactured chemicals called estrogen and progesterone, then you are finally in menopause. Ahhhh! No more "visits by Aunt Flo", no more buying tampons or pads. I advise that you throw away all blood-stained sheets and underwear and treat yourself to new linens and panties. That's certainly what I intend to do!
As for men, they don't undergo the same drastic turning off of the hormonal spigot. Rather, their testicles start a slow process of decreasing testosterone production, beginning in the thirties and continuing throughout the rest of their life. The process varies for individuals, but generally is so gradual that the body and mind have time to adjust together to the decrease of the testicular chemicals. The "mid-life crisis" is the term most often associated with this time for men.
So, I'm done with this lecture now. I guess it's on my mind because I so often hear peri-menopause referred to as menopause and it irks me. Get it straight, folks: "menopause" is the "permanent cessation of menstruation" and officially begins when twelve continuous months of no menses has occurred. I am so ready for that!