loss adjustment... say what?

Hard to believe, I know, but I have been barely coping since my return. I guess I need to make sure I have someone to come home TO the next time I take off with a crowd, even a crowd I don't know. I was absolutely not prepared to feel this disconnected.
True, when immersed in a different culture for a while, there is a period of adjustment to be expected afterward. I remember when my hugging buddy returned from a Study Abroad trip to the Czech republic - last year? year before? - he went through a period of ... well, mourning is the only word that comes to mind. I don't know if he has roommates, or if he returned to an empty home, as I did, but he went through a fairly rough patch for a week or so, adjusting back into the rhythm of his life here in the States.
I know what my loss is. While on the European continent, I had at least 3 or 4 or more folks around me all the time. I mean, truly, ALL the time. Well, not when I went to bed, as I had paid to have a solo berth. I'm glad I did, or I might have an even rougher go of it right now.
I miss my travelmates. I miss hearing "Faustina, do you want to go..." and "Faustina, come with us to..." and "Faustina, let's go...". I miss their laughter and their conversation and their energy. I miss the pure pleasure of their company.
And I didn't even know anything about them before this trip.
The whole experience reminded me of my years in the Navy. You made friends quickly, so you would have time to get to know each other before one or the other of you pcs'ed to a new locale. That was simply the way it worked, especially if you were single. The married folks had it easier, as they always traveled with someone they knew, i.e., their spouse and kids, so there was less urgency to form a support network. Not that we thought of it in those terms, of course; we were making friends, not some psychological entity.
I think most of the students on this trip knew each other, at least from a classroom setting, if naught else. Some knew each other longer and better than that, but not all, as they were at different stages of the nursing program. Oddly, none had been former students of mine, as they were mostly transfer students, having completed part of their core requirements elsewhere.
I had wondered if I might have taught any, but I had not. That made it quite easy for me to become friends with them, as I was not THEIR teacher, either past, present, or future. For the first day or so, most of the students didn't know how to regard me, but after a while I became just another one of the "girls" and that was wonderful! The older students, those who had already been married and had children, were the first to accept me into the group, then the others did, in Siena, the second city in which we stayed.
Our first night there, our well-traveled leader had shown us the lay of the town, ending up at a ristorante he highly recommended. He then took off with a couple of his friends who, like me, were simply tag-alongs on this trip; the other two teachers and their roommates followed suit. That left me to dine with all the others - and that was a turning point. We were wined and dined by an utterly charming pair of young men (Mario, a soccer player retired from the game at age 20, and Eddie, a future dental hygienist) at Papei Trattorio, in a private room, allowing us to be as boisterous as we wanted. By the end of the second course, we were all snapping pictures and cracking wise and, when someone asked if we knew everyone, we each stood and let our names ring out! What a grand time!
And so began eight days of traveling TOGETHER. "And we're walking!" became our anthem, as walking everywhere, up and down hills, up and down stairs, up and down Italy, is what we did. Together. Going to lectures on nutrition and the medical system, going to the sights in town, going to meals - together. Handling the dough to make focaccia and pici and ravioli, learning the finer points of tiramisu and pannecotta, cooking sauces and roasting zucchini and creating orange caramel - together.
And now I'm home again, where everyone has their own busy lives, continuing on while mine went on holiday. Work schedules still had to be maintained, home life still had to be maintained. I have no work schedule and I live alone. Whatever schedule I have, I must create for myself.
Fortunately, my ex happened to be in town for his daughter's high school graduation. He picked me up on Wednesday when the bus returned us to town from the Atlanta airport. We went out for cheeseburgers - which I don't usually eat - and talked mostly of Rome, where we had journeyed together ten years ago. I was amazed, as always, at the details he was able to recall, and thankful that I had someone to talk to who KNEW what I was talking about. The experience allowed me to be debriefed, to start putting my recollections in context.
Fortunately, my first niece and her dear husband wanted to hear about my trip and we met for dinner the next night. I chose Hibachi Grill, wanting lots of veggies, of which I had surprisingly few on the trip. We had good company and good food, but I didn't get to talk much about Italy and my adventures there. They are expecting a baby and that was THE big news.
Fortunately, my dear copper friend was excited to hear that I was back and wanted to hear DETAILS!!! So she and I went for Mexican and I delighted her with stories mostly of Positano and Salerno and Pompeii, but also some of my doings in Siena. We had much laughter and good food and wonderful conversation, as we always do.
Fortunately, the vampire called the next day to invite me to hear others breathe and sing and spit fire, and, as he did so, he said he wanted "to hear about Italy but we would save that for another time." Okay, time to start stepping back into my usual life, then, a break from the excitement. I chose to wear one of my new shirts, a lovely blue patterned number, and that may have been too soon to show. I was trying to merge my adventure with my usual life... maybe too soon.
Yesterday, I went to the birthday party for one of my great-nieces. I got lost going there and a speeding ticket on the way home. In between, the party was fun: we opened presents (she loved the red bracelet and blue bracelet from Italy), we ate cake, and we talked about the kids. Later, I went to "RENT" and was SO glad to have been there! So uplifting and emotional and life-affirming! And it was a musical, which I love. With songs I glancingly knew. And I was in the company of the vampire and the movie/music guy and my copper friend and others I know and love.