what if

"I don't believe in hypothetical situations. It's like lying to your brain."
So spoke a literal-minded character on "30 Rock".
Sometimes I catch myself weaving story lines I know to be untrue, tales to make my life seem more fulfilled, more exciting, more...worth living.
Sometimes I even catch myself believing the fabrications more so than the reality.
And sometimes the threads woven to tether me to this world begin to unravel and I find myself unwilling to remain.
I had one of those moments a few weeks ago after "Project Shiphunt". The film left me desperately missing my mother.
I found myself in a restaurant downtown, unable to stop crying, wishing myself anywhere but on this blue-green orb.
The waitstaff let me be and didn't ask questions beyond general needs.
More tea?
Is the food okay?
Can I get you anything else?
And I sobbed and ate a delicious meal and watched the fish and ignored the chatterings of those sitting behind me, ignored others who entered and left as I sat.
And I sobbed, quietly, wiping saltwater stains onto my shirtsleeves.
By the time I was to return to the Ocean Film Festival, my tears were fairly spent. And the next film helped to strengthen my tether once more, at least for the night.