loss, yet again

I had tears with my breakfast this morning. Not a particularly good way to start the day, I assure you. I have tears now, as I sit here attempting to compose my thoughts. The tears were initially for the horrible incident which befell a friend of mine two weeks ago, but they have persisted for my own loss. You see, I'm still in mourning for the loss of a place which I used to enjoy.
The place still exists, it hasn't burned down or been eaten by termites. In fact, I had once before reinvented and refashioned it as a place still on my map. One of my best friends had encouraged me to come back there, to share new good times with him and others from the not so distant past. For him, and for myself, I had done so, though it took a while for the image to gel. The place became a safe haven for me, a place to have fun and to flirt and to not have to worry about anyone taking me seriously, for I knew he had my back. It was THE place for me to finish up my Saturday nights into the small hours of my Sunday mornings.
Then, the one who had made it a safe haven died. I tried to go back a few times, partly in respect for his memory, partly from habit. After all, many of the same people I know and like can be found there, still, on a Saturday night, gracing the airwaves with their songs. But I've lost the feel of the place. I know it's ludicrous, absurd, ridiculous - and yet, regardless of what logic and reason dictate, nay, in spite of their decrees, I find that I keep looking for someone who isn't there anymore, someone who will never be there again. And that isn't fair to the place and it isn't fair to the folks I know who ARE still there, is it? Well, sometimes I don't care about what's fair. Circumstances out of my control, as most are, caused changes I wasn't ready for and that was unfair to me.
Last night, I gave the place another chance to change my mind, to show me what it had to offer. I think I'm done this time. The place is no longer a safe haven for me or others like me, single women who come alone and prefer to leave the same way. The place could have been a meat market, but certain folks kept that aspect of modern life at bay. Single women could come and enjoy a few drinks, a few laughs, make some new friends to look forward to seeing the next time there.
No longer. A dark element has crept in the last few months. In the past, when a disruptive force tired to establish a foothold, that force was cast out by Blaxstone, a superman for the powers of fun. Street drugs tried to make their way in, only to find that was not going to happen on his watch. Single women were escorted into the parking lot to insure their safe passage to their vehicles. Lotharios hoping for quick action were strongly encouraged to take their search and their lust elsewhere, post-haste. No longer on any of those counts. An unattended drink can lead to horrible consequences for women. Not a safe haven anymore, in a world where such places are few. And that is certainly worth a few tears, from me, for my friend, for others like us: girls just wanting to have fun, not sex.