Hotdogs for breakfast, changing up my schedule,
trying to jump start a change in me.
My body is changing, being rebellious,
growing new life-forms unbidden by me.
Like mother, like daughter,
in ways good and not,
seeking change at my own bidding
not by a clock.
I keep looking for meaning in my life,
I keep looking for direction in my life,
I keep looking.
How will I know when I find my course?
How will I know to stop opening doors?
How will I?
I feel like I've been sleepwalking
through my life for years
I'm opening my eyes now
my sight blurry from tears.
I find myself an orphan
my parents gone
a true end of my childhood
and loss of my home.
Home is where the heart is
and my heart is wandering blind
I once knew where I belonged
but that was once upon a time
now.
Hotdogs for breakfast.
I attended the 6th Annual Spoken Word Festival Open Mic tonight. I was treated to a wide range of styles of poetry, lyrics, poetic prose from an even wider range of people. Mothers reading poems for their daughters. Barely-teens giving voice to their hopes. Twenty-somethings ranting about social injustice, politics, religion. Folks talking about finding love, making love, losing love. Theatrical works in the space of minutes. Very inspiring and begs the question: how to hear more of this? How to be a participant? My penning above began on my drive home and, quite literally, wrote itself as I typed. Maybe I'll take up an open mic one night. Maybe.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
pecha kucha and suaf
Tonight was definitely a little something different! Actually, it was a LOT different. I've been trying out some new things this month - hey, it's April and I need the distraction, you know? - and there's been plenty vying for my attention. Oddly enough, much has been free. Incredible!
As I said earlier, the SUAF is in town this week, here in the C-Port, as they say. last night I saw P.A.T.H.: A Hip-Hop Documentary at a venue that is fast becoming one of my favorites. Honestly, Indigo Arts has SOMETHING going on EVERY NIGHT. Anyone who says they can't find anything to do here isn't looking, apparently, because I find so much that it's difficult to choose.
Anywho, the film was a documentary about a school dedicated to preserving, archiving, and teaching hip-hop history. Shot in Miami, it followed four instructors as they impressed upon a class the value and rationale behind rapping, break dancing, graffiti writing, and emceeing. What was the most phenomenal aspect of the film was the fact that TWO of the four teachers were WOMEN. Wow.
So, as I'm walking out to my car, I'm looking up into the night sky and thinking, man, Sam, would have really liked that! And into my head I hear "two turntables and a microphooone", that standard tagline, and I just lost my mind for a while. But that's not what I'm talking about right now, so don't bother trying to change my mind.
This morning, on my way to work after my GYN appointment - nope, not gonna talk 'bout THAT right now, either - I grabbed a day-old copy of the entertainment paper to see what was up in this fair city these next seven days. Lo and behold, it had three events for me! All were about the same start time, so I would have to choose carefully how to arrange my evening. I decided The OFFICIAL Savannah Urban Arts Festival LAUNCH PARTY JAM SESSION, slated to begin at 9pm, would be the place to finish up, narrowing my choices for 8pm down to two. Well, I've seen "Back To The Future" several times, and, as much fun as it would have been to see it on a big screen again.. well, that was the key word. "Again". Yeah, let's opt for something DIFFERENT.
So I went to Indigo Arts for show and tell for grown-ups. Truly, that was how the event was billed. It's actually called Savannah Pecha Kucha Night, and this is the fifth time the ever-unique event has been held. Here's the premise: You get roughly seven minutes to tell an audience about something, anything, then it's someone else's turn. No Q&A, no drawn-out explanations. You provide up to twenty slides about your topic and you get twenty seconds to say your piece about each - then you're off the stage and someone else goes on.
I had initially thought it would be a meeting of would-be entrepreneurs and angels, but that was decidedly not the case. Instead, I saw presentations by nine people, all different, all interesting. Briefly, here's the line-up: Chalk drawings of chairs in empty rooms; The wards (squares) of Savannah (a 1985 thesis); How-to write a picture book about a little dog; Amorphous prints on wood; Bringing the 16-foot Elvis head to Los Angeles from Mississippi (in a blue 1953 pick-up truck named Maybelle, no less!); Listerine and the use of "halitosis" in marketing; Teaching block printing in India; Bits of Georgia history; and Photographs shot locally. Wow! Almost two hours, including intermission, of fun, for free. You better believe I'll keep my eyes looking for news of the next PKN!
The off I went to the American Legion, host site of OFFICIAL SUAF launch Party Jam Session. Featuring local hip-hop masters Dope Sandwich and the release of their new CD, I was amazed the place wasn't packed. Seriously! Where were all the students and young folk? Here was a party event, a FREE party event, with not one but several live performers, in a hall for 300. They truly missed out. The party went on until almost midnight, y'all!
There were at least six performers, I think. Let me see if I can name all of them. Daniel Coleman, smooth and lyrical, also a film maker. Brandywine, the official house band for the party, proud to be the support group for MC's. The Chatham County Bosses, a trio of young guys running fast toward the top, especially with their song "Savannah". KidSyc, a fabulous wordsman with a LIVE BAND. WOW!!! And, playing some songs from their latest compact disk, "The Union of Sacred Monsters", the inimitable Dope Sandwich. Hey, I got mine at the show and it was only $5. What a deal!
As I said earlier, the SUAF is in town this week, here in the C-Port, as they say. last night I saw P.A.T.H.: A Hip-Hop Documentary at a venue that is fast becoming one of my favorites. Honestly, Indigo Arts has SOMETHING going on EVERY NIGHT. Anyone who says they can't find anything to do here isn't looking, apparently, because I find so much that it's difficult to choose.
Anywho, the film was a documentary about a school dedicated to preserving, archiving, and teaching hip-hop history. Shot in Miami, it followed four instructors as they impressed upon a class the value and rationale behind rapping, break dancing, graffiti writing, and emceeing. What was the most phenomenal aspect of the film was the fact that TWO of the four teachers were WOMEN. Wow.
So, as I'm walking out to my car, I'm looking up into the night sky and thinking, man, Sam, would have really liked that! And into my head I hear "two turntables and a microphooone", that standard tagline, and I just lost my mind for a while. But that's not what I'm talking about right now, so don't bother trying to change my mind.
This morning, on my way to work after my GYN appointment - nope, not gonna talk 'bout THAT right now, either - I grabbed a day-old copy of the entertainment paper to see what was up in this fair city these next seven days. Lo and behold, it had three events for me! All were about the same start time, so I would have to choose carefully how to arrange my evening. I decided The OFFICIAL Savannah Urban Arts Festival LAUNCH PARTY JAM SESSION, slated to begin at 9pm, would be the place to finish up, narrowing my choices for 8pm down to two. Well, I've seen "Back To The Future" several times, and, as much fun as it would have been to see it on a big screen again.. well, that was the key word. "Again". Yeah, let's opt for something DIFFERENT.
So I went to Indigo Arts for show and tell for grown-ups. Truly, that was how the event was billed. It's actually called Savannah Pecha Kucha Night, and this is the fifth time the ever-unique event has been held. Here's the premise: You get roughly seven minutes to tell an audience about something, anything, then it's someone else's turn. No Q&A, no drawn-out explanations. You provide up to twenty slides about your topic and you get twenty seconds to say your piece about each - then you're off the stage and someone else goes on.
I had initially thought it would be a meeting of would-be entrepreneurs and angels, but that was decidedly not the case. Instead, I saw presentations by nine people, all different, all interesting. Briefly, here's the line-up: Chalk drawings of chairs in empty rooms; The wards (squares) of Savannah (a 1985 thesis); How-to write a picture book about a little dog; Amorphous prints on wood; Bringing the 16-foot Elvis head to Los Angeles from Mississippi (in a blue 1953 pick-up truck named Maybelle, no less!); Listerine and the use of "halitosis" in marketing; Teaching block printing in India; Bits of Georgia history; and Photographs shot locally. Wow! Almost two hours, including intermission, of fun, for free. You better believe I'll keep my eyes looking for news of the next PKN!
The off I went to the American Legion, host site of OFFICIAL SUAF launch Party Jam Session. Featuring local hip-hop masters Dope Sandwich and the release of their new CD, I was amazed the place wasn't packed. Seriously! Where were all the students and young folk? Here was a party event, a FREE party event, with not one but several live performers, in a hall for 300. They truly missed out. The party went on until almost midnight, y'all!
There were at least six performers, I think. Let me see if I can name all of them. Daniel Coleman, smooth and lyrical, also a film maker. Brandywine, the official house band for the party, proud to be the support group for MC's. The Chatham County Bosses, a trio of young guys running fast toward the top, especially with their song "Savannah". KidSyc, a fabulous wordsman with a LIVE BAND. WOW!!! And, playing some songs from their latest compact disk, "The Union of Sacred Monsters", the inimitable Dope Sandwich. Hey, I got mine at the show and it was only $5. What a deal!
Monday, April 19, 2010
suaf'ed
I feel like I stepped into a time capsule tonight. Tonight was the second evening of events for the Savannah Urban Arts Festival. Since a film was to be shown, I, of course, was in attendance. Even though this was a "school night", I managed to find a quick route from AASU (far southside)to Indigo Arts (downtown and north). To my surprise and delight, I had missed NONE of the film! A workshop on graffiti writing had run long, due to the enthusiastic crowd participation, so I was able to enjoy the last of that event as well as decompress from my mad rush to get there.
I was also able to enjoy the works of Roosevelt Watson III, before and after the film. Vibrant canvases, of all sizes, were splashed on the dark walls of Indigo Arts! Nice. The artist's bio was mounted to the wall, so, of course, I read it and was quite impressed with his mission statement. To wit: “My paintings are representative of the spirit of us all. I use the Abstract/Surrealism styles to get my point across... that we are so different but yet the same, shown with many colors and textures, and shapes, yet coming from one thought source. My colors are vibrant, just as our spirits used to be as children. The textures are the physical aspect of our world which makes the paintings life like. The shapes are every where and just plain enjoyable; hence, we are all very colorful, physical, and shapely which I convey in an abstract/surreal fashion." What an incredible world view!
Now, on to the film! A 1983 winner at the Sundance Film Festival, "Style Wars" chronicled both sides of the dispute between graffiti artists and the New York Metro Transit Authority. My opinion mirrored that of the young visitor from France, who stated that the graffiti-drenched subway trains were to be enjoyed, not washed bland. (Well, I paraphrase, but you get my drift.)
I'm glad I was able to be there, even though I felt dipped in past time. I'm sure Sam Johnson would have, and perhaps has, enjoyed it very much. What a fitting thing for me to do on this day. I feel so much better than I did this morning!
I was also able to enjoy the works of Roosevelt Watson III, before and after the film. Vibrant canvases, of all sizes, were splashed on the dark walls of Indigo Arts! Nice. The artist's bio was mounted to the wall, so, of course, I read it and was quite impressed with his mission statement. To wit: “My paintings are representative of the spirit of us all. I use the Abstract/Surrealism styles to get my point across... that we are so different but yet the same, shown with many colors and textures, and shapes, yet coming from one thought source. My colors are vibrant, just as our spirits used to be as children. The textures are the physical aspect of our world which makes the paintings life like. The shapes are every where and just plain enjoyable; hence, we are all very colorful, physical, and shapely which I convey in an abstract/surreal fashion." What an incredible world view!
Now, on to the film! A 1983 winner at the Sundance Film Festival, "Style Wars" chronicled both sides of the dispute between graffiti artists and the New York Metro Transit Authority. My opinion mirrored that of the young visitor from France, who stated that the graffiti-drenched subway trains were to be enjoyed, not washed bland. (Well, I paraphrase, but you get my drift.)
I'm glad I was able to be there, even though I felt dipped in past time. I'm sure Sam Johnson would have, and perhaps has, enjoyed it very much. What a fitting thing for me to do on this day. I feel so much better than I did this morning!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
awake
Sometimes, I feel disconnected, like I'm living in a dream, waiting to wake up. Lately, that feeling was been all over me. I find myself still up at 2am, forcing myself to go to bed. Heaven knows I would stay up all night otherwise. I've even been turning on my heated bed pad, to help lure me in.
This week, in particular, I've had death on my mind. The 15th was the third anniversary of Mother Pat, my ex's mom, who died scant months before our marriage passed away. Monday will be the 19th, the anniversary of Sam's death. The 26th will mark a year since my father's death.
Perhaps my reluctance to go to sleep is this: if I persist in staying awake, perhaps I will truly wake up and find so much has been a dream. After all, going to sleep is caving in to reality, accepting the new status quo. No one actually dreams of going to sleep, do they? No, of course not. People dream of doing things, of alternate paths trod, of new endings to current stories. So, if I can keep busy enough that I don't dwell on past losses, isn't that a form of denial? And isn't denial a part of being in a dream state?
So, if I don't sleep, then I must yet be dreaming...
This week, in particular, I've had death on my mind. The 15th was the third anniversary of Mother Pat, my ex's mom, who died scant months before our marriage passed away. Monday will be the 19th, the anniversary of Sam's death. The 26th will mark a year since my father's death.
Perhaps my reluctance to go to sleep is this: if I persist in staying awake, perhaps I will truly wake up and find so much has been a dream. After all, going to sleep is caving in to reality, accepting the new status quo. No one actually dreams of going to sleep, do they? No, of course not. People dream of doing things, of alternate paths trod, of new endings to current stories. So, if I can keep busy enough that I don't dwell on past losses, isn't that a form of denial? And isn't denial a part of being in a dream state?
So, if I don't sleep, then I must yet be dreaming...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
toad
Yesterday was Toad's first birthday! I remember his "birth" as if it were yesterday... I had been talking to my singing bird the night before and he had suggested that I get a bear to cuddle up with at night. I thought that was a pretty good idea, but told him I didn't know if that would work because I didn't think there were any bears with moustaches! We both laughed, but I knew where I would be going right after to work: to the Build-A-Bear Workshop at the old mall.
And so I did. Oh, my, the many choices!!! Not just bears, but other animals, too! Whoa... So, I took my time. After all, this was going to be my snuggle buddy and it had been a very long time since I had a bear. Oh, yes, I flirted with the idea of some other critter, but a bear was the snuggliest of them all and a bear it had to be. Now, WHICH bear???
Decisions, decisions! So many bears, each with different coloration, different textures, different little faces! None with moustaches (I asked about facial hair add-ons), but that could easily be remedied at home. So, which bear would it be? I finally decided that the "reading bear" was the one for me! Not only did his coloration echo that of my singing bird, and his fur was soft and lush to the touch, but he was also a very GOOD bear. How did I know? Because part of the cost for bringing him to life would go to a literacy program. Oh, yes, he was definitely the bear for me!
Then came the fun part: making him MINE. I was able to personalize him in so many ways! First, I chose a sound for him... that's right, I wanted him to be able to speak to me. Which sound? A bear's growl? No, no, no! A frog's croak! Oh, yes, yes, yes! And just that fast his name popped into my head: Toad Hopkins! After all, my bird's surname was HOPkins, so TOAD was entirely appropriate as the moniker of his snuggle surrogate. Well, alrighty then!
Then it was time to choose his heart (red satin or red plaid) and perform the little ceremony to make it truly his. First, it had to be kissed. Next it had to be placed at his ear so he would listen to me. Finally, it was placed into his chest, along with a tracking tag. Yep, that's right, a tracking tag! That way, should he ever get lost out there in the big world, he could be taken to a Build-A-Bear Workshop and they could read his tag... and help him get safely home again. Wow!
The final act was to fill him with cuddly bits and close him up. Toni let ME work the pedal that controlled how many cuddly bits went in, so he would be just the right amount of snuggly for me. Nice! We paused the process twice, so I could check on his status, then he was perfect! Not hard and difficult to hold, not squishy with no support, but JUST RIGHT.
He even has a Birth Certificate.
So he even has a birthday. Nice!
And the good folks who were there for his birth sent a coupon for him to come and get a birthday gift of his own choosing. REALLY nice. So, this morning, he came to work with me, then we went to the old mall so he could get his present. Mind, he already had an idea of what he wanted: a ball cap. That's right, you heard me. My bird almost always has a ball cap on and Toad wanted one, too.
So, we looked around the whole store and didn't find any. Oh, we found various headgear, but they were all part of outfits. You know, a baseball jersey and pants and ball cap, a football jersey and pants and helmet, that sort of thing. Not at all what Toad wanted. Sure, the motorcycle jacket was cute, but not for him, not at this time of year for sure. So, when the nice lady asked if she could help, I told her that it was Toad's birthday and he was looking for a present... a muscle shirt. Yep, that's what I said to her! And, by golly, they actually HAD some! So I helped him put one on, and he liked it, but it was missing something... and then we saw the ball caps, in the next bin, under all these cute outfits. Navy blue and red were the choices, and the blue won out. What a sweet birthday suit! Really perked me up, too! Happy birthday, Toad!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
chocolate words of wisdom
Lately, I've been enjoying a piece or two of dark chocolate before bed. (Note that I said "before bed" as opposed to "in bed", for those who know my singing bird.)
Anywho, a dear friend here in town introduced me to the joy of Dove Dark Chocolate Promises. At only 41 little calories per glorious piece, they're a nice little treat before bedtime, just a little something to signal the day's end.
One of the perks of this treat is this: there's a little saying on the inside of the wrapper. It's almost like getting a fortune cookie! When I first started eating these fine chocolates about three years ago, the sayings were all supplied by Dove. Not so anymore! At some time between the last bag of chocolates (sadly, a few months have elapsed in my chocolate ingestion!) and the ones purchased just a couple of weeks ago, a big change had occurred. Dove now has sayings from women all over the USA. Well, perhaps I generalize, perhaps not. This far, I have only seen women's names and have only seen cities and states in this part of North America. What a surprise! The bag has nothing to indicate the change in origin of the sayings, not a word. So, either this change occurred long enough ago that it is no longer noteworthy or I have missed something in the fine print.
With no further ado, here are a few of my favorites:
"Dance like no one is watching." Sally, Locke, NY I am a firm believer in the power of dance to free one's soul. As I have said many times, dancing is the most fun you can have with your clothes on!
"Here's to something more powerful than chocolate. Hope." Leah, New York, NY Another one that I live by. If ever I lose hope, that thing with feathers that perches in my soul, then I have truly lost myself.
"Keep moving forward; don't look back." Sally, Griffith, IN You can't do anything about what happened in the past. At worst, you learn from it and move on. At best, you enjoy the memory of a golden time!
"Blessings only come to those who notice." Jean, Houston, TX Tiny little miracles occur every day - EVERY DAY - just waiting for you to look outside yourself and see them. My latest passion is taking pictures of clouds, for every formation is different and unique and never to be repeated.
"When you can't control the wind, adjust your sails." Brenda, Schofield, WI What better way to end a day at the beach?
Anywho, a dear friend here in town introduced me to the joy of Dove Dark Chocolate Promises. At only 41 little calories per glorious piece, they're a nice little treat before bedtime, just a little something to signal the day's end.
One of the perks of this treat is this: there's a little saying on the inside of the wrapper. It's almost like getting a fortune cookie! When I first started eating these fine chocolates about three years ago, the sayings were all supplied by Dove. Not so anymore! At some time between the last bag of chocolates (sadly, a few months have elapsed in my chocolate ingestion!) and the ones purchased just a couple of weeks ago, a big change had occurred. Dove now has sayings from women all over the USA. Well, perhaps I generalize, perhaps not. This far, I have only seen women's names and have only seen cities and states in this part of North America. What a surprise! The bag has nothing to indicate the change in origin of the sayings, not a word. So, either this change occurred long enough ago that it is no longer noteworthy or I have missed something in the fine print.
With no further ado, here are a few of my favorites:
"Dance like no one is watching." Sally, Locke, NY I am a firm believer in the power of dance to free one's soul. As I have said many times, dancing is the most fun you can have with your clothes on!
"Here's to something more powerful than chocolate. Hope." Leah, New York, NY Another one that I live by. If ever I lose hope, that thing with feathers that perches in my soul, then I have truly lost myself.
"Keep moving forward; don't look back." Sally, Griffith, IN You can't do anything about what happened in the past. At worst, you learn from it and move on. At best, you enjoy the memory of a golden time!
"Blessings only come to those who notice." Jean, Houston, TX Tiny little miracles occur every day - EVERY DAY - just waiting for you to look outside yourself and see them. My latest passion is taking pictures of clouds, for every formation is different and unique and never to be repeated.
"When you can't control the wind, adjust your sails." Brenda, Schofield, WI What better way to end a day at the beach?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
more "m" words
Hormones... You're living your life, doing just fine, and ZAP! Hormones start flooding your body, including your brain, causing you to have emotional, mental, and physical turmoil. This introduction to hormones most often occurs when one hits the teen years and has the ugly word "puberty" attached to it. Basically, your body becomes sexually mature over a span of several years and you have to try to catch up to it mentally and emotionally. Is it any wonder that teens seem off-kilter?
In addition to the internal bath of hormones, girls begin having their menses, also known as menstruation or period. This begins due to the increased production of estrogen by the ovaries. Boys suddenly find themselves getting aroused at inopportune times or by inappropriate subjects and having "wet dreams". This is caused by the increased production of testosterone by the testicles.
The end result of all these changes in hormone levels is this: adult people regard teens to be moody, temperamental, and difficult. What would you expect if you were suddenly overwhelmed by an influx of chemicals that caused your body to change in uncontrollable ways? It takes time to become accustomed to this new modus operandi of the body you once knew, it takes time for the hormonal fluctuations to become natural for you, it takes time to mentally adjust to the chemically-driven physical alterations.
Some folks never seem to settle in to their changed body. They let the physical changes dictate how they behave. But most folks adapt and learn to accept and enjoy this new phase of their lives. This is good, as this phase usually lasts several decades. That's right, I said "decades". All people, male and female, have cyclic highs and lows of the various hormones coursing through their bodies.
So, you're living your life, doing just fine, and ZAP! Your hormone levels start changing again. Dagnabbit! What terrible timing, as this generally occurs just as you have teens in the house, too. So, now you have teens in puberty and adults in peri-menopause. Ovaries slow down and eventually stop their production of estrogen and progesterone, now depriving the body of the chemicals it had grown accustomed to. This process of peri-menopause goes on for several years, just as puberty did, and can make a sane woman think she's losing her mind. She finds herself subjected to mood swings, emotional instability, irrational thoughts and behavior... just like the teenagers in her life. Dagnabbit!!!
Fortunately, this phase is also brief, lasting just few long years. It's very important to be ever-mindful of your actions during this trying time and to be more patient with yourself and with others. Once the body adjusts to THIS new paradigm, the cessation of these internally manufactured chemicals called estrogen and progesterone, then you are finally in menopause. Ahhhh! No more "visits by Aunt Flo", no more buying tampons or pads. I advise that you throw away all blood-stained sheets and underwear and treat yourself to new linens and panties. That's certainly what I intend to do!
As for men, they don't undergo the same drastic turning off of the hormonal spigot. Rather, their testicles start a slow process of decreasing testosterone production, beginning in the thirties and continuing throughout the rest of their life. The process varies for individuals, but generally is so gradual that the body and mind have time to adjust together to the decrease of the testicular chemicals. The "mid-life crisis" is the term most often associated with this time for men.
So, I'm done with this lecture now. I guess it's on my mind because I so often hear peri-menopause referred to as menopause and it irks me. Get it straight, folks: "menopause" is the "permanent cessation of menstruation" and officially begins when twelve continuous months of no menses has occurred. I am so ready for that!
In addition to the internal bath of hormones, girls begin having their menses, also known as menstruation or period. This begins due to the increased production of estrogen by the ovaries. Boys suddenly find themselves getting aroused at inopportune times or by inappropriate subjects and having "wet dreams". This is caused by the increased production of testosterone by the testicles.
The end result of all these changes in hormone levels is this: adult people regard teens to be moody, temperamental, and difficult. What would you expect if you were suddenly overwhelmed by an influx of chemicals that caused your body to change in uncontrollable ways? It takes time to become accustomed to this new modus operandi of the body you once knew, it takes time for the hormonal fluctuations to become natural for you, it takes time to mentally adjust to the chemically-driven physical alterations.
Some folks never seem to settle in to their changed body. They let the physical changes dictate how they behave. But most folks adapt and learn to accept and enjoy this new phase of their lives. This is good, as this phase usually lasts several decades. That's right, I said "decades". All people, male and female, have cyclic highs and lows of the various hormones coursing through their bodies.
So, you're living your life, doing just fine, and ZAP! Your hormone levels start changing again. Dagnabbit! What terrible timing, as this generally occurs just as you have teens in the house, too. So, now you have teens in puberty and adults in peri-menopause. Ovaries slow down and eventually stop their production of estrogen and progesterone, now depriving the body of the chemicals it had grown accustomed to. This process of peri-menopause goes on for several years, just as puberty did, and can make a sane woman think she's losing her mind. She finds herself subjected to mood swings, emotional instability, irrational thoughts and behavior... just like the teenagers in her life. Dagnabbit!!!
Fortunately, this phase is also brief, lasting just few long years. It's very important to be ever-mindful of your actions during this trying time and to be more patient with yourself and with others. Once the body adjusts to THIS new paradigm, the cessation of these internally manufactured chemicals called estrogen and progesterone, then you are finally in menopause. Ahhhh! No more "visits by Aunt Flo", no more buying tampons or pads. I advise that you throw away all blood-stained sheets and underwear and treat yourself to new linens and panties. That's certainly what I intend to do!
As for men, they don't undergo the same drastic turning off of the hormonal spigot. Rather, their testicles start a slow process of decreasing testosterone production, beginning in the thirties and continuing throughout the rest of their life. The process varies for individuals, but generally is so gradual that the body and mind have time to adjust together to the decrease of the testicular chemicals. The "mid-life crisis" is the term most often associated with this time for men.
So, I'm done with this lecture now. I guess it's on my mind because I so often hear peri-menopause referred to as menopause and it irks me. Get it straight, folks: "menopause" is the "permanent cessation of menstruation" and officially begins when twelve continuous months of no menses has occurred. I am so ready for that!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
company!
My house is full of people! FULL OF PEOPLE!!! It's so nice... it really is. My BFF's kids stayed here last night, as did my bird from Charleston, and we all watched one of my favorite movies last night. The girl had never seen it and I wanted them to all see Paul Reubens' hammy death number, so we watched "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" on my tiny tv... and really enjoyed it, and each other's company. Yes, indeed, life is GOOD.
Last night, while my BFF and her husband had some snuggling time sans progeny, said progeny were with me at "12 Angry Men", presented at Indigo Arts Center. Great show about justice and bias and rational thought. The neatest part for me? Noticing how well the three teens were following the unfolding logic. I had been concerned that the show might be a little too dry for them, but I also knew several of the actors and believed in their ability to make the story fresh, even though the action took place in one small room in the 1950's. And keep it fresh they did! We even had some discussion about the play as we were driving home.
Today, we all went to wash laundry at my favorite laundrette. The kids had spent the week on the road and wanted to all have some clean things to wear. Off we went after breakfast, walking over to the variety store during the wash cycle. My bird stayed at home, in case the parents of my charges should happen to arrive before our return... at least, that was his story! Actually, I think he just wanted a little quiet time!
We've been to the beach for the Tybee Seafood Festival, where we had some food, walked on the pier, and decided the breeze was just a bit too brisk! Plus, the food had just whet our appetites, so we headed back toward Savannah, stopping to lunch on the veranda at Flying Fish Bar & Grill. Soon we'll go to the Lucas Theatre to see "The Godfather" on the big screen. It's one of the offerings of the SCAD Cinema Circle of films. Fun!
Last night, while my BFF and her husband had some snuggling time sans progeny, said progeny were with me at "12 Angry Men", presented at Indigo Arts Center. Great show about justice and bias and rational thought. The neatest part for me? Noticing how well the three teens were following the unfolding logic. I had been concerned that the show might be a little too dry for them, but I also knew several of the actors and believed in their ability to make the story fresh, even though the action took place in one small room in the 1950's. And keep it fresh they did! We even had some discussion about the play as we were driving home.
Today, we all went to wash laundry at my favorite laundrette. The kids had spent the week on the road and wanted to all have some clean things to wear. Off we went after breakfast, walking over to the variety store during the wash cycle. My bird stayed at home, in case the parents of my charges should happen to arrive before our return... at least, that was his story! Actually, I think he just wanted a little quiet time!
We've been to the beach for the Tybee Seafood Festival, where we had some food, walked on the pier, and decided the breeze was just a bit too brisk! Plus, the food had just whet our appetites, so we headed back toward Savannah, stopping to lunch on the veranda at Flying Fish Bar & Grill. Soon we'll go to the Lucas Theatre to see "The Godfather" on the big screen. It's one of the offerings of the SCAD Cinema Circle of films. Fun!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
amazing
I just returned from a trip to Orlando to see my BFF's daughter dance in Downtown Disney. Truly, that was the reason I lit out of here on Tuesday morning: to watch the girl dance. Well, and to see my BFF, of course. She lives up past Atlanta, in a tiny town that Travis Tritt also calls home, and it's about 4 1/2 hours from here. Not terribly far, but not all that close, either.
Orlando is about that same distance. On Sunday, she left me a message on facebook saying "wish you would come". Well, work has been extremely quiet, so I asked for the two days off in the middle of the week and was immediately granted them. Nice! Scary, too, but nice. So I found a room for Tuesday night and off I went!
And I am so glad I did. She and I had a good chance to TALK, something she and I don't often have time for, especially as she is, essentially, a single working mother of two teens. Yeah, she's married, but he's hardly been home for several years now, as he has been working overseas. He has no idea how stressful her life is, and she tries hard to keep from letting him know because she doesn't want him to worry. I think she's letting him off the hook for his parental responsibilities.
I think when he IS home that he needs to let HER take off while he's stateside. He can be the one responsible for the care and feeding of two teenagers. And no, she is not allowed to stock the fridge, freezer, and pantry before she leaves. She is not allowed to clip the coupons which make everything more affordable. She is not allowed to pay any bills early that will be due during his tenure. She is not allowed to reschedule any of the kids' events that fall during his tenure. She is not allowed to make helpful lists for him; that's the sort of thing you do for a babysitter, not a parent, especially not a parent who is a partner in the marriage.
Yes, I think he would have a new appreciation for her and for all she does to make his life easier, not only when he is home for a visit, but also while he is away. The woman is amazing.
And get this: she doesn't see it. She's been looking at how much more she thinks she SHOULD be doing, not at how much she HAS done. (This bad habit was taught to her by her mom.) She is so busy doing things for other people in her household all the time that she isn't taking care of herself. She told me she hasn't had a physical for years. YEARS. No Pap smear, no mammogram, no blood work to check her cholesterol or liver function or thyroid function or ANYTHING. And her husband has no idea that she has forgone these necessary tasks for her own well-being so the FAMILY can have what it needs. After all, taking care of herself takes time and resources from others, and she's the mom. If she doesn't take care of everything, who will? That's what she says to me. Who will?
I say, give more responsibility to the others. She has two incredible kids, but she is concerned that people will think SHE is a failure because her son wears his pants in that ridiculous fashion (yeah, bet THAT won't come back in style in 20 years!) of his peers. Say what? First and foremost, WHO CARES WHAT STRANGERS THINK? Seriously. Oh, and his hair is dyed a weird color. SO? And he isn't doing well in a couple of classes. AND? Let me tell you this: He's polite to his elders, he's well-spoken, he's very supportive of his friends and even his sister. All are very good LEARNED qualities and are traits that others have commented on approvingly. He has several classes he positively excels in; that is certainly commendable. He does what is asked of him, though he doesn't yet do such tasks of his own volition; but he's 16, not an adult. He doesn't do drugs or sell them, a truly remarkable accomplishment these days, especially for a child of a single working parent. He isn't in jail, doesn't think it would be cool to be in jail, and doesn't hang out with jailbirds as friends. I wish I could say the same for some of the kids in MY family.
And the girl? She is very smart and beautiful, just like her mother. She is a very talented dancer and kind person, adored by her peers, her teachers, and her fellow members of the dance troupe or any other group she has ever belonged to. She is very helpful and does whatever household tasks are asked of her. True, she needs to be asked to do them, but she's only 13, not an adult. She, also, doesn't hang out with jailbirds or drug addicts, even though I'm sure this little town has its fair share of such bad influences.
I think, when you're dealing with kids who LOOK grown that it's too easy to fall into the trap of expecting them to ACT like adults. Having no children of my own, I try to keep my mouth shut about how I see folks raising their kids. After all, what do I know about it? But I can say this: I saw both of them soften and transform into true KIDS one evening last summer. We had all gone to the beach and time had gotten away from us and we were quite hungry. We went to a local place, The Crab Shack, so we could finish with treats from the ocean. (My BFF does have this one major fault: she doesn't do seafood. Fortunately, she has copious good qualities to more than offset this one shortcoming.) The kids spent some time exploring the place and, magically, became... kids. They were actually able to let down their guard and just be themselves for a while. THAT was the best part of the evening!
Enough. It's late and I need rest. But let me just close with this: Dad, make sure Mom takes care of herself and gets those doctor appointments done NOW. Also, don't expect adult actions or thought processes from the kids; they are not yet adults. Instead, realize that they are good people with good hearts and enjoy them for the people they are NOW. I sure do.
Orlando is about that same distance. On Sunday, she left me a message on facebook saying "wish you would come". Well, work has been extremely quiet, so I asked for the two days off in the middle of the week and was immediately granted them. Nice! Scary, too, but nice. So I found a room for Tuesday night and off I went!
And I am so glad I did. She and I had a good chance to TALK, something she and I don't often have time for, especially as she is, essentially, a single working mother of two teens. Yeah, she's married, but he's hardly been home for several years now, as he has been working overseas. He has no idea how stressful her life is, and she tries hard to keep from letting him know because she doesn't want him to worry. I think she's letting him off the hook for his parental responsibilities.
I think when he IS home that he needs to let HER take off while he's stateside. He can be the one responsible for the care and feeding of two teenagers. And no, she is not allowed to stock the fridge, freezer, and pantry before she leaves. She is not allowed to clip the coupons which make everything more affordable. She is not allowed to pay any bills early that will be due during his tenure. She is not allowed to reschedule any of the kids' events that fall during his tenure. She is not allowed to make helpful lists for him; that's the sort of thing you do for a babysitter, not a parent, especially not a parent who is a partner in the marriage.
Yes, I think he would have a new appreciation for her and for all she does to make his life easier, not only when he is home for a visit, but also while he is away. The woman is amazing.
And get this: she doesn't see it. She's been looking at how much more she thinks she SHOULD be doing, not at how much she HAS done. (This bad habit was taught to her by her mom.) She is so busy doing things for other people in her household all the time that she isn't taking care of herself. She told me she hasn't had a physical for years. YEARS. No Pap smear, no mammogram, no blood work to check her cholesterol or liver function or thyroid function or ANYTHING. And her husband has no idea that she has forgone these necessary tasks for her own well-being so the FAMILY can have what it needs. After all, taking care of herself takes time and resources from others, and she's the mom. If she doesn't take care of everything, who will? That's what she says to me. Who will?
I say, give more responsibility to the others. She has two incredible kids, but she is concerned that people will think SHE is a failure because her son wears his pants in that ridiculous fashion (yeah, bet THAT won't come back in style in 20 years!) of his peers. Say what? First and foremost, WHO CARES WHAT STRANGERS THINK? Seriously. Oh, and his hair is dyed a weird color. SO? And he isn't doing well in a couple of classes. AND? Let me tell you this: He's polite to his elders, he's well-spoken, he's very supportive of his friends and even his sister. All are very good LEARNED qualities and are traits that others have commented on approvingly. He has several classes he positively excels in; that is certainly commendable. He does what is asked of him, though he doesn't yet do such tasks of his own volition; but he's 16, not an adult. He doesn't do drugs or sell them, a truly remarkable accomplishment these days, especially for a child of a single working parent. He isn't in jail, doesn't think it would be cool to be in jail, and doesn't hang out with jailbirds as friends. I wish I could say the same for some of the kids in MY family.
And the girl? She is very smart and beautiful, just like her mother. She is a very talented dancer and kind person, adored by her peers, her teachers, and her fellow members of the dance troupe or any other group she has ever belonged to. She is very helpful and does whatever household tasks are asked of her. True, she needs to be asked to do them, but she's only 13, not an adult. She, also, doesn't hang out with jailbirds or drug addicts, even though I'm sure this little town has its fair share of such bad influences.
I think, when you're dealing with kids who LOOK grown that it's too easy to fall into the trap of expecting them to ACT like adults. Having no children of my own, I try to keep my mouth shut about how I see folks raising their kids. After all, what do I know about it? But I can say this: I saw both of them soften and transform into true KIDS one evening last summer. We had all gone to the beach and time had gotten away from us and we were quite hungry. We went to a local place, The Crab Shack, so we could finish with treats from the ocean. (My BFF does have this one major fault: she doesn't do seafood. Fortunately, she has copious good qualities to more than offset this one shortcoming.) The kids spent some time exploring the place and, magically, became... kids. They were actually able to let down their guard and just be themselves for a while. THAT was the best part of the evening!
Enough. It's late and I need rest. But let me just close with this: Dad, make sure Mom takes care of herself and gets those doctor appointments done NOW. Also, don't expect adult actions or thought processes from the kids; they are not yet adults. Instead, realize that they are good people with good hearts and enjoy them for the people they are NOW. I sure do.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
traveling stars
This image was captured on the evening of the death of my mother-in-law, Mother Pat. I like that the stars are twinkling as they traverse this space and like to think that her bright spirit had hitched a ride on one of them.
Perpetual Christmas lights... nice.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
film festival, s'il vous plait
For the second year, AASU held the Francophone Film Festival. Incredible! You would think the Fine Arts Auditorium would have been filled all three evenings, particularly as the event was completely free. Yes, that's right - FREE. The five wonderful films were shown to a small, but enthusiastic, audience. I saw four of the five, missing out only on the opening film last Thursday. Honestly, I believe I would have been there had I only picked up a copy of the local entertainment paper.
One of the four I saw had been shown at the Savannah Film Festival, either last year or the previous. "Entre Les Murs", which translates to "Between the Walls", was re-titled "The Class" and was about an 8th-grade teacher and the effect of one unruly student on the mindset of his other students. Even though I had seen it before, I watched again and truly enjoyed it. This film was the second show on Friday night; the first was "Un Secret". Its lead character was shown in flashbacks, at two ages during his childhood, and was a sweet, but sad film about life as a Jew in occupied Paris.
The really nice surprise Friday night was the food. That's right, between the two films, the attendees were treated to fine French fare! A new local French restaurant provided several different types of fancy sandwiches as well as a fabulous salad. Yum! I had planned to just run down the street and get a bite between the films; this was much, much better! All for free, too. The French Club even served as hosts for this feast and provided it again after the second film. I wished I had been there on Thursday for the opening! The restaurant had provided several different savory quiches and even desserts! I did not catch the name of the restaurant that night, but thought I would be sure to note it on Saturday.
Alas, that was not to be. The fine French food was no longer the fare between the films on that warm evening! My bird was in town and I thought I had found us not only free entertainment, but free dinner as well. I did well on the former, but not the latter. Dagnabbit!
Still, we had a good time at the films, both of which were quite different from the ones the previous evening. These were both romances, for starters. The first was an animated film about two brothers from different mothers, both searching for the same woman to wed. "Azur et Asmar" was delightful and quite a fairy tale, good for both boys and girls. Of course, any children viewing the movie would have to be literate, as this film, like all the others, was in French with English subtitles.
When we exited the auditorium, we were hoping for food. We had driven straight from the beach to the film festival and had not eaten since lunch. I had just been SO sure the intermission would be catered again! Oh, well, off we went for roast beef sandwiches, returning for the last film of the festival. "Les Amours d' Astree et de Celadon" was a very sweet tale of a shepherdess and shepherd, whose love was forbidden because his folks didn't like hers. Yep, classic star-crossed lovers fare, but with a twist and much humor. Quite a high note to end the festival!
One of the four I saw had been shown at the Savannah Film Festival, either last year or the previous. "Entre Les Murs", which translates to "Between the Walls", was re-titled "The Class" and was about an 8th-grade teacher and the effect of one unruly student on the mindset of his other students. Even though I had seen it before, I watched again and truly enjoyed it. This film was the second show on Friday night; the first was "Un Secret". Its lead character was shown in flashbacks, at two ages during his childhood, and was a sweet, but sad film about life as a Jew in occupied Paris.
The really nice surprise Friday night was the food. That's right, between the two films, the attendees were treated to fine French fare! A new local French restaurant provided several different types of fancy sandwiches as well as a fabulous salad. Yum! I had planned to just run down the street and get a bite between the films; this was much, much better! All for free, too. The French Club even served as hosts for this feast and provided it again after the second film. I wished I had been there on Thursday for the opening! The restaurant had provided several different savory quiches and even desserts! I did not catch the name of the restaurant that night, but thought I would be sure to note it on Saturday.
Alas, that was not to be. The fine French food was no longer the fare between the films on that warm evening! My bird was in town and I thought I had found us not only free entertainment, but free dinner as well. I did well on the former, but not the latter. Dagnabbit!
Still, we had a good time at the films, both of which were quite different from the ones the previous evening. These were both romances, for starters. The first was an animated film about two brothers from different mothers, both searching for the same woman to wed. "Azur et Asmar" was delightful and quite a fairy tale, good for both boys and girls. Of course, any children viewing the movie would have to be literate, as this film, like all the others, was in French with English subtitles.
When we exited the auditorium, we were hoping for food. We had driven straight from the beach to the film festival and had not eaten since lunch. I had just been SO sure the intermission would be catered again! Oh, well, off we went for roast beef sandwiches, returning for the last film of the festival. "Les Amours d' Astree et de Celadon" was a very sweet tale of a shepherdess and shepherd, whose love was forbidden because his folks didn't like hers. Yep, classic star-crossed lovers fare, but with a twist and much humor. Quite a high note to end the festival!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
cleaning up
For the last few years, I had said that when I turned 50, I was going to learn how to play the drums. After I filed for divorce, when I was still six or seven months away from my 50th birthday, I needed SOMETHING as a distraction. A very good friend, who happens to teach music in a local middle school, decided to help me by scouring the ads for an affordable set.
Well, before a couple of weeks had passed, he'd found me some: the Black Hawk kit shown here, complete with three cymbals (with neat names like "Crash" and "Ride" and "Hi-Hat"). No snare drum, but he found one of those for me the next week. The drums and cymbals had been sitting in a garage for some few years (since the guy was in high school; his dad told him they had to go NOW). I spent some time taking them apart and cleaning them up, removing and trashing the mildewy pillows inside the bass (to muffle the sound for the neighbors), removing tarnish from the cymbals and shining them back up, using a bit of Superglue to re-attach some of the hardware. it was a bonding experience for me and the drums. Every once in a while, I'd even put on some Robbie Robertson and try to drum along!
After I got them in a serviceable condition, I bought a "learn the drums" dvd and set about finding my beat. Well, that was sure easier said than done! I was expecting something that would teach me when to hit which drum, when to add a little crash or ride, what part of the drumstick. No. The tutorial assumed I would just pick up on that, I guess.
I even attended a workshop/concert at a local music store, at my friend's invitation. The event featured Will Calhoun, the drummer of the the former, and now again touring, band Living Colour. He gave an incredible performance, amazing to hear AND to watch. WOW! I even bought his CD, Native Lands, which I'm listening to as I write. The sounds that man could make! Not just with drums and cymbals, but with other objects he had incorporated into his repertoire and converted into musical instruments. What an inspiration!
I was definitely inspired and set myself a schedule for practicing on my drums. Unfortunately, my inspiration didn't persist. I was still very unsure of just WHAT I was supposed to be doing. How to know which drum to hit??? How often? How to coordinate with the foot pedals on the bass and the Hi-Hat?
How to coordinate, indeed. I'm a bit of a klutz, as most anyone will confirm. Trying to get my feet and my hands to work at different speeds, on different items, in some synchronized manner... well, it just wasn't happening. I didn't have the patience to try to teach myself nor the funds to take lessons. And so the Black Hawk kit found itself being used as furniture: an end table here, a luggage rack there, a nightstand. The cymbals met a worse fate, sitting closed up in a closet to keep them out of the way.
No more. I had found them on Craig's List, and back to there I went to seek a new home for them. The first two contacts were a bust, but the third, as they say, was the charm. A young man was wanting to take up the drums. He was already accomplished on the guitar and was wanting to start a band with a friend... who also played guitar. I sold him only the Black hawk set, just as I had bought it, albeit quite a bit cleaner. I even gave him the package of drumsticks, a few drumming books, and the instructional CD I had purchased for no extra charge. I imagine I could have asked for the same sum for which I had purchased them, but, as I told him, I knew I had gotten at least $50 worth of entertainment from them and was glad to have the drums go to someone who would use them.
(I'm not really sure why I held on to the snare drum. It came in a travel bag, so it stores quite nicely on a shelf, out of sight for now. Maybe I'll learn how to be a gypsy jazz drummer. That would certainly be more my speed: only one instrument to operate, with no need to coordinate my hands and feet!)
Since then, I've been selling off a few other items that have been collecting dust around here. I started with some books that Daddy had read, then some movies that I had watched and decided that I did not need to own. Then, I was going through my music collection and realized, with a start, that I hadn't listened to some of those artists for YEARS. On to the eBay marketplace they were posted... and many have since literally been posted off to new homes! To date, I have sold more than 47 items! That's right, at least FORTY-SEVEN "things" have left my abode! Actually, the total is even better than that, but I've had 47 "positive feedback" reports filed on me, so I know that many of the items were well-received by their new owners. Fly Lady would be so proud of me! And I'm pretty pleased with myself, too.
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