can't fix broken

Last weekend, as I was driving under the blue sky and allowing my brain to make sense of life, I had a moment of recognition.
I am still a control freak.
I keep trying to get better and I keep thinking that I am.
But I realized I am still a control freak.
You see, I've been doing my bfe a disservice by viewing him as a person with a whole heart.
But he is not.
And I cannot fix that.

I didn't take his heart and run away with it.
Someone else did.
I gave him a piece of my heart to mend his.
That is not how it works.
I know this.
Broken hearts cannot be mended from the outside.

You would think I would have learned that by now.
Especially as I have loss adjustment as an ongoing process.
Especially.