straight on till morning

As Peter Pan told Wendy, that's how you get to Neverland.
But that is not where I was bound this morning.
As I told folks, I was off to visit my youngest brother in north Georgia.
But I had stayed in a motel overnight.
As I told folks, he didn't have a place where anyone could stay overnight.
But his birthday was coming and I wanted to see him.

There have been far too many deaths this year of those I know.
Since the sixth of July, five people in my life are no longer on this planet of sunrises and sunsets.
Since the sixth of July, I have lost three family members, a work colleague, and the father of a close friend.
For my youngest brother's birthday, I wanted to hug him at least once.
This was the first time this year that I could visit him.
This may well be the only time this year I will be able to visit him.

To visit him this one time, I drove for six hours.
I waited for more than two hours in the cold of a mountain morning before it was my turn to enter the security room.
I had fortunately brought a jacket and worn socks with my shoes.
I already knew I was not permitted to wear shorts or a dress.

I had arrived at 8:55 this morning, knowing that visitation would open at 9 AM.
After waiting in line, outside in the chill breath of the mountains, I signed in on the visitors' log at the security room at 11:16 AM.
By the time I entered the visitation room, the time was 11:30 AM.
"Count" was in full swing and I would not see him until after it was completed at 1 PM.
I sat there and cried.

I had hoped they would permit him to come earlier.
After all, he was the crew leader who had installed the new tile throughout the visitation center.
He was the one who had suggested laying the tile on the diagonal in the visitation room.
He was the one who implemented that design, brightening the space where families and friends shared time.
I had hoped he, and therefore I, would receive special consideration on this first visitation day this year.
I had hoped.

Eventually, when it became obvious that it would be at least 1 PM before I would see him, and knowing visitation would still end at 3 PM for all there, I determined to make the best of this horrid situation.
I had already bought hot wings and a sloppy joe sandwich from the vending machines.
I had planned ahead and brought my twenty dollars' worth of quarters in a clear ziploc bag.
I decided to go ahead and heat the food before he came out, so our time together would not be spent with me waiting in line for use of one of the two microwaves.
So our time together would be time together.

Of course he arrived in the doorway just as my turn finally came for the microwave.
The woman behind me held my place as I rushed to greet him.
Then he waited in the yellow chair until I could join him.
I sat in the black chair after getting one more hug.
I had left my glasses in the other black chair while I was in line at the microwaves.
More visitors were coming in and I wanted to hold our spot.
I had the seats we usually used for our visits, near the front and center.
It was good to be able to sit there with him and talk.

He had not known I was coming.
He had not yet received the letter in which I wrote that I was, for sure, coming for this first visitation weekend this year.
I had mailed it earlier that week, but Columbus Day had interfered with its passage to him.
It had not arrived there in time for the last mail delivery on Thursday.
He was surprised and happy that I had come to see him.
He was more surprised and happier that I had come to see him for his birthday.

I had surprised him with a birthday visit last year, too.
That had been a happier occasion and we had visited for five hours.

Our visit this time was not quite two hours.
I know that he prefers to not be part of the mass strip search after the visitors leave.
I know he prefers that we part just a little earlier so he can have a less-stressful strip experience.
When the guard announced that visitation was ending in thirty minutes, we began our goodbyes.
When the guard announced that visitation was ending in fifteen minutes, we stood for our last hugs.
Definitely plural hugs.
Then I left and retrieved my jacket.
Then I retrieved my keys and driver's license from the security room.
Then I sat in my warm car and drove away, drove south back to the main highway.
There I bought food and stopped just long enough to check in with the first niece, the peace Guy, the bff.
Then I drove nonstop back to my own driveway.
I checked in once more with those three who know and love me.

And I feel better now than I have felt for some time.