Friday, December 18, 2009

still here!

Oh, my goodness, my glorious bit of sand and surf still exists! I have been dreaming about this oasis of mine, this place to unclutter my thoughts, to make sense of the goings on around me. Sure, all the usual excuses abound for my absence, but believe me when I say this: my beach is always present in my mind, tugging on the edges of my thoughts, whispering the call of the sea, enticing me toward the gentle curl of the waves.
So many times, so very many times, a thought will arise that prompts me to seek out my beach and explore the path before me. But the physical world bids me do this, do that, so I make a few notes for later and I'm off to do whatever is demanded of me by others. I am now surrounded by bits of paper, jetsam floating on the surface of my desk, waiting patiently for recovery. The trick now would be to regain the thoughts lost in the depths of these simple notes.
"Trick or treat!" proclaims one scribble, "I do make a difference in chemistry! One of my students from 2000-2001 flagged me down at Spanky's to tell me so!" Oh, to recover the deeper story behind this bit of jetsam. I know I had an entire treatise in mind, and I'm sure I could recall its essence if I had the time. However, 'tis the season and I have not.
Another bit, torn from an unwanted postcard in a magazine, has a quote from Olivia Newton-John: "Nature is my church." So, if I give 5% of my pay to the man-made place of worship I've been known to frequent and 5% to environmental causes, does that satisfy the command to tithe? Just a stray thought, but I think I could have given it a good home and might yet.
"That young lady needs to work out her own salvation." This said by one of my Shekinah sisters to another, but it really struck a chord with me. After all, who else can save me but myself? Every twelve-step program out there is based, first and foremost, on the desire of the attendee to effect a change for the better in their lives. As any addict will attest, no change is possible if you don't sincerely want to work for it for your sole benefit. And, consequently, for your soul' benefit. Oh, yes, I could SO have waxed rhapsodic on this one! And may one fine evening, but this is not that night.
And another torn bit of a Jekyll Island program, no doubt scribbled on whilst I was homeward bound from the Shrimp & Grits Festival has two tidbits moored for safekeeping. The first says "can use music, smells, to time-travel to the past - we can try to predict the future - feet are still in the PRESENT time." Nice! I really like where I was going with that and look forward to diving in another time, but this next one... ah, that one begs for exposition! It says simply: "constellations of my world: school, job, friends, family, movies, theatre, music, lovers." To be always surrounded by such structures, whether visible or not, much like the starry constructs distant from this wondrous planet... reassuring, is it not?
The last bit for now is a page taken from the March issue of skirt! Alessandra H, a graduating senior at Savannah Arts Academy, advises "You can't be afraid of making mistakes - it's the only way to create something original." I'm looking forward to seeing what she offers to this world!
And now, time has come for me to say... later.

Monday, November 30, 2009

hat trick

What a curious phrase, but I find it was the first one that leapt to mind last Wednesday. Although the sport of hockey is the one I associated with the term, it apparently is also used in quite a few other sports, including marbles. The term, dating back to 1879, was originally associated with cricket, a game I've never witnessed and cannot fathom. Hockey, on the other hand, is a game I enjoy watching, no doubt ever since Paul Newman brought it onto my radar with Slap Shot in 1977. Raunchy, action-packed, and hilarious - and me, newly in the Navy, away from home and discovering THE WORLD! Several years later, while stationed in San Diego, I attended my first game in Los Angeles, with a Canuck as my guide to the finer points. I've even cheered the South Carolina Stingrays, live and in person in Charleston, several times now and try to be at the Savannah Civic Center for the college games in January. Good times! But I digress.
My "hat trick" has naught to do with sports of any kind. Rather, it's more on the order of performing an act of love for each of my three brothers. I had not intended to try to perform three kindnesses for my three brothers. The cosmos just arranged for the scenes to be set and for me to recognize the magnificent opportunities afforded me. Incredible and great serendipity.
For my eldest little brother, I agreed to represent his presence at the home of our long-lost cousin in Augusta. Not in so many words did I agree to this act. When he asked what I was taking, I told him of the cake and chocolate pecans. He had been smoking turkeys all day for various friends and neighbors and he rather spontaneously made an offer of half of a very large bird. And so I accepted and transported his gift of cherry-wood-smoked turkey, even completing the cooking of it and making sure it arrived warm and fragrant.
My middle little brother was there at the smoker, too, having been dropped off by his boss to quaff a few beers and serve as a taster with the other fellows from the old neighborhood. When I went to leave, he had no ride, so I offered to take him to his place, and along the way we talked about SAD and how it affects our family. I even treated him to dinner with me and we were graced with a very sweet waitress at IHOP that evening.
As I dropped him off at his apartment, I was thinking about how great the evening had been and I noticed it wasn't yet 7:30pm. Quick as a shot, it occurred to me that I had long postponed a promise made to my youngest little brother. I had gone to visit him for his birthday and he had said that ten dollars a week would mean a lot to him. I had relayed the message to family members and my stepmom had given me the money for five weeks for his account. Several weeks had passed and I had not yet made the deposit. (Head hangs down.) So, down Chatham Parkway I went, conscious now of my need to fulfill this promise to him, my need to do a kindness for each of my brothers, my need to complete this cycle on this night. Done!
I felt that my steps had been guided that night. Thank you to my angels for helping me SHOW love to those I love. 

Especially at the time of Thanksgiving.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

safety

I am so very thankful that my beach is not subject to the ravages of nature. This lovely blue and green planet with its swirling white streaks can be devastating at times. One of the beaches I visited this summer at Nags Head was basically a Brazil wax bit of sand in July. I can only imagine what will be left there now. The walkway from the condo will lead to...where? Open water? A few rocks? Will there even be that wooden walkway?
Then there's Virginia Beach, a fun place from a few years back. What will become of it after the 10-foot surges and the 8 inches of rain and the 60-mph winds? How much of that sugary sand will remain to be graced by beach towels and colorful chairs? How about the shops and little eateries nearby? Will they weather the storm or be wiped clean from their foundations?
I do realize that nothing lasts forever. Even the beach I visit here will exist only until the ether on which it rests disintegrates out from under it. Still, I hope that day will be very far in the future, beyond the time that I walk this plane. I want to feel free to enjoy the rolling surf here for a long time. Maybe I should come visit more often, to listen to the waves shushing over the fine grains below, to feel the warmth of the golden orb on my skin, to smell the salt tang. I wish I could be here every day, but I cannot yet. One day...

Monday, November 9, 2009

quote


"Today only happens once." Jeff McDermott

Yesterday was spent in the company of my ex-husband. He was in town to bookend his vacation week in Charleston, hoping to maximize the number of friends he could catch up with while away from Mississippi. I count myself fortunate that I was included in that list and that he, like myself, had left the schedule open for the day. Sure, we both had other events that we COULD have done, but we CHOSE to not have other people lined up for our time. Nice.
So, we met for breakfast, with an eye to following that with the 11:15am service at the church, partly so he could reconnect with friends there, partly to see the progress of the renovation. We never made it there, preferring a leisurely-paced visit together to be of more importance.
We talked mostly about the present. Sure, there was the usual catching up of the events in the lives of family and friends, but mostly the talk was about the events in our own lives in the last few months. You know, experiences in the real world with other people. That's a big issue: allowing ourselves to trust someone else with our hearts. Hell's belles, that is THE issue. No doubt that will continue to be THE issue for some time, but, given enough time, it will go back to where it belongs: just one issue to be considered among others.
I think it was remarkable that we could talk as we did. I know so many divorced couples who hold such animosity toward each other. We still love each other and we will always be a member of each other's family, but we are no longer a couple. We ARE long-time friends, having shared many adventures together in almost two decades. I do hope we will have this friendship for the rest of our lives. He is a remarkable man and I truly do hope he will let happiness find him. He deserves a much better life than he's been allowing himself to live. Even though the picture above was snapped on a whim, its meaning is serendipitous. The picture illustrates his looking toward the future (that vast ocean of possibilities and fish), away from the past (events that cannot be changed). Nice.
As he himself said, today only happens once. Enjoy it, embrace it, engage in it fully.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

dingbat

Yep, that's me. The problem with burning one's candle from both ends is you eventually run out of wax and the flame goes out. I've been trying to shovel as much as I can into each and every day and my body has let me know in NO uncertain terms that said nonsense MUST stop, at least for a little while. Between the insomnia (driven mostly by my desire to catch up on my email and facebook before getting to bed) and the stuffed-full social calendar I've had for too many weeks, not including my work responsibilities... well, you get the picture.
Since Tuesday, I've had the sniffles and stuffy nose and cough from getting too cold too often and due, in large part sad to say, to my beloved Savannah Film Festival. The Trustees Theatre is SO cold (how cold is it?), it's so cold that Eskimos feel right at home. Seriously. I took two vacation days this year, Tuesday and Friday, so I could partake of the rich banquet only available at this festival. By Tuesday evening, even though I had my scarf and heavy jacket with me, I had the stuffy nose starting. Wednesday, I got up and sprayed the bed with Lysol, and have done the same for the past few days. Wednesday evening, I gave the students a "paper" lab ( gave them the data rather than have them collect it) and we were all out of there by 8pm. I took my tired self home, had chicken soup and called it an early night. Thursday, I woke up feeling more rested, but sounding awful. Progress! More chicken soup, more earlier nights.
Friday, I awoke a new woman, then spent the day at the Festival, in the Trustees and the Lucas, bouncing out every two hours to check the car or get lunch or pick up my Geekend materials. So, cold and hot and cold and hot... And of course I insisted on going to the keynote speaker address at Geekend, a last minute change/addendum to the program. Aaron Drapsin, former snowboarder of Michigan, current logo designer extraordinaire, was able to take over when the originally-scheduled speaker was delayed until Sunday. This guy happens to have worked on some incredible projects, including the logos for two ARRAS-related items: the website recovery.gov and the DOT's Transportation Investment Generating Economic Recovery program. Pretty interesting talk, sprinkled with lots of fun stories of lessons learned along the way.
Still, by the time the talk was done, so was I. I was cold and thirsty and worn OUT. So, I got home by 10:30pm or so, turned on my bed, then had some heated lemon water for about an hour. I crashed out, not even bothering to set an alarm. I would simpley get up when I got up. Yeah. I finally got up about 1:30pm today and here in the house I remain. I had several talks I had looked forward to at Geekend, but my body told me to STAY HOME AND REST. Sounds like resonable advice to me! Time for some chicken soup, maybe with rice this time instead of pasta...

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Ghetto-een 2009!

Great fun at the Squirrel Mistress' pad on Friday! The party had but one stipulation: your costume could cost no more than $5. That's right, folks, just five lil' ol' dollars! And yet, we had Professor Chaos, a devilish pair, a Red Hat Witch, Darth Vader, a Viking, a Wrong Holiday, and a Wet Pile o' Leaves. Hahaha!
Click to play this Smilebox scrapbook: Ghetto-een!
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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

letter home

Dearest Mama,
I had meant to start this earlier today, but certainly didn't, did I? Still, I didn't want the day to end without touching base. It feels like forever that you've been gone, though it's not quite been nine years. That sounds like forever right there.
I wanted to talk to you about last Saturday, in particular, and maybe the whole weekend and the days leading up to it. But last Saturday, in particular. You know, that would have been the 17th anniversary for Jeff and I. And, in keeping with our custom of taking vacation around the anniversary, that's what I'd continued to do. This time, I wanted to do something different. Wanted, hell - I had a NEED to do something out of the routine for this time of year. Instead of running off and waking up somewhere else, I decided to stay here in town. But I also needed to make sure I didn't bolt out of here at the last minute, I needed to be invested in staying put.
I found my answer in the First City Network newsletter: the First Annual LGBT Film Festival. THAT would be different AND it would offer movies and shorts that I would most likely never get to see. Count me in! The tickets went on sale to the public that first Friday in October and I raced from work to the ticket venue to make sure I was able to get my tickets. I finally decided to buy the Festival Pass, as it would be a neat memento AND was the best deal. Good call! I then taped it to my kitchen cabinet to remind myself of this change in my regular fall schedule and waited for the 24th to arrive.
And you know what? Even knowing I had the weekend "booked", I STILL found myself thinking about plans to get outta town for that time frame. Can you believe it?? I know, old habits die hard, and I've had a lot of time invested in that particular habit. Heck, I'd like to think I did pretty well at planning little mini-holidays for this special time in October, especially as time went by. I would like to think Jeff would agree with me on that. (He had a trip out of town last weekend. Old habits die hard, as I said.) So, I figured the best way to keep myself in town was to overcommit my time for the entire weekend. That's exactly what I did, too.
Friday, I got off work, came home and ate, then headed to the Jepson Center for the first two films of the festival. "Boy Meets Boy" was a sweet short that took place in Korea and featured a fairy godmother that admonished her charges to "be careful who they met on the street." Adorably stuck in the '60's, as the culture over there is today. As I said, it was very cute and sweet. Then came the feature, the one I'd been looking forward to: "Fruit Fly", a musical (you recall how I just LOVE musicals!!!) starring a straight Phillipina actress who is in the States to put on her latest show. I just LOVED it!!! Honestly, I do think that would work for a mainstream audience, especially given the popularity of "Slumdog Millionaire" and "Fame". Very upbeat, catchy tunes, too. Then over to Club One for the reception and TWO shows, with one of the festival's guests serving as the intermission talent for both shows. You would have loved the old jazzy songs he had in his repertoire!
The next morning, I got up at weekday time (ugh) so I could make it out to visit Dood for his birthday. I had told him in a couple of letters that I would be coming out there, so that promise to him also locked me into staying in Savannah. Good! He and I had about a forty-minute visit (twice the allowed time!) that went very well and left both of us happy and reassured. Very good!
Then off to the festival's first matinee at 11am! The first was a kicky little all-girl rap video called "U-Haul Rap" and was a humorous take on the baggage, of all kinds, that we bring into new relationships. HAHAHA! The feature film, called "Drool", was a tale of old love gone bad and the healing power of new love. That was pretty good, but more of a dark comedy.
Then I was off! Back to midtown for the 1pm birthday party for my five-year-old "nephew" Aaron. Monkey Joe's is a BRIGHT place!!! I do believe those inflatables in that place glow in the dark! I wish I could have been there for the cake, made by his grandmom, but I had a 2pm matinee to get back to. Hmm, maybe I overbooked myself??
But back to the Little Theatre I flew on that drizzly afternoon, getting there just in time for the festival trailer. Close call! This was the part of the festival that was my favorite: shorts!!! The longest of the eight films was just over 20 minutes and there were TWO music videos, both of them featuring Joshua Kipp, the entertainer from the previous evening at the Club. Yes! Films from Iceland, Ireland, Canada, and even Australia, interspersed with festival winners from the USA. I tell you, Deb did amazingly well at selecting the films for this festival!
The Icelandic film, "Mother Knows Best", is quite entertaining, would work great at a P-FLAG film festival, and has a FINE ending! The Irish film, "James", charts a young man's journey toward adulthood; it was pretty good until the ending. Then again, the film had only 18 minutes to tell its tale, so perhaps I just needed to know a bit more than it offered. The two Canadian films, "Falling For Caroline" and "Tranzploitation", were quite humorous, with the former having several physical comedic touches (because "falling in love brings out the klutz in all of us" - I can SO relate!) and the latter including a hilarious lament about discrimination against trans(gendered) in the chip aisle of grocery stores. What a hoot!
The Australian film, "Evelyn Everyone", was a trip into the world of e-dating for a woman looking for change. The US short, "Kristy", on the other hand, is about a young girl NOT wanting change: her favorite shirt is being worn to tatters and so is her mom's patience. Both good, but I was waiting for the music videos, and at last they came! In "L1fe", pronounced One Life, the singer pledges "in your memory, I'll do the very best I can." Then, in "Tell Me", a jilted lover is trying to urge is estranged partner to say if they're "alive or dead, just tell me." On the surface, it's a classic boy-and-girl soul number, but there are fabulous undertones here! So, there you have it: eight films showcasing straights, gays, lesbians, trans, parents, kids. Something truly for everyone!
Whew! Not done just yet! The final films, which began at 5pm, were "Frequent Traveler", a fun Portuguese tale of a guy just craving touch and willing to go to extreme measures to attain his goal. The showcased feature film, "Watercolors", was a tale of first love and was a brilliantly told story. The only downside? Well, it was the night of October 24th and I was going home alone. I cried and ate sushi and felt better... but i sure wish I could have called you so you could tell me everything would be alright.
One last note about the LGBT Film Festival. I do wish someone had invited Robert Redford (in town, filming a movie about Abraham Lincoln) and Ron Howard (in town for the upcoming Savannah Film Festival) to attend these showings. For all I know, maybe the two gentlemen were invited and couldn't fit it into their schedules. These films should be playing to a much larger, and more diverse, audience than that held by the tiny Little Theatre space. Truly.
Well... (YAAAWWWNNN) I better get my silly self to bed. It's 2:16am on a Thursday morning and I have to get up at 7!
with much love forever!