relax, dammit

This has been a hard week, though I have to admit I've been to blame for that. Dwelling on things I have NO CONTROL over: the past, my father's cancer, my mother's death. What the fresh hell? But I am a control freak, part of growing up in an alcoholic household, so they say. I say, take responsibility for your own self. If you're over the age of 18 and no longer living at home, then you are making your own future and shouldn't try to blame your parents for anything any more.

Hi, I'm Faustina, and I'm a control freak. I've worked to control (hah!) that tendency all of my life, generally to success. That is, as long as things are going well, I don't feel compelled to control every little thing around me. When times are easy, I can just go with the flow. La di dah!

But let things start building up, situations I don't get a say in, and when I realize that I don't have control, I nut up HARD. I try to overcompensate and micromanage every little thing. There's a difference now in how that manifests itself. I've noticed I've taken a turn for the worse: I let the dishes pile up for days, I don't do laundry for weeks, I'm almost late mailing out bills, I miss birthdays and anniversaries. This cannot go on. To paraphrase another Eliot, Faustina, this is stupid stuff (you eat your victuals fast enough). I need to have someone ride herd on me... and who better than a control freak like myself? I need to be like Glenda and use the power of control for GOOD. The only person I can truly control is ME and I haven't been doing that good a job of it lately. Definitely MY bad. So here's another resolution for this year: Accept that I only have control over myself.

Now, let's get this house in order, shall we? Yes, let's!