a brother's plea

I received this letter to Ronnie in today's post. Tony had sent it earlier this month, while Ronnie was still in the hospital, but he sent it to the wrong address.
I delivered it to Ronnie this afternoon. I told him I will be glad to send his reply to Tony.
I hope he will read it.
I hope it will lead to a change in his life.
I hope.

***** ***** *****

May 13

Hello Ronnie.

I must say that I was shocked to read the words that Tina wrote to me on May 7. Wow. I hope that you are doing much better today. And of course i truly hope that you know this same type of incident will occur again if you continue to drink. Please stay alive. I really want to see you again. Not a tombstone or grave marker.

Ronnie, by God's grace i haven't had a drink, drug, or cigarette since June 29th, 2007. The day of my arrest. It's not because of a lack of availability either. In prison all of those things are being used everyday, everywhere, easily accessible.

The reason that i haven't used any of these things is because God (not me) has taken away the desire for them. He can & will do the same for you. Ask Him to.

I'm sure that you would call me a "Very Religious" man. The reality, though, is that i now desire to be obedient to the only One who is worthy to rule over me. The reason is because He has revealed Himself to me countless times. His mercy and His grace have absolutely no bounds, no limits. Jaw dropping, eyes popping, awe inspiring, greatness!

Even for a wretch like me.

I do not want to bore you. I love you. God is the only One who could ever save me from myself & He did.

Surely all i can give you is what has been given to me. My help, my peace, my health, my hope, and whatever else that i may think i have, have all come from outside of me. My inspiration and motivation, my strength and diligence all began with and remain in God's Word. He is awesome - we are not.

I'm sure you do not want to continue reading all religious stuff. It's all i have for you. Let me share something with you that happened while i was still in the Chatham County Detention Center. I was reading my bible, John, chapter 8. I will never forget how this upcoming verse gave me such revelation to how blind i had been to the truth of my real condition. The man who i thought i was, really was already in bondage.

John 8:34 'Jesus said "Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin."

This short little verse was an eyeopener. The word of God here teaches that a human who continually practices sinfulness does so because those sinful things rule over them.

When i saw that the drinking that i was doing everyday was my master, i hated it more.

When i saw that the cigarettes that i continually bought and smoked were my master, i just shook my head.

When i realized that i even let the Cash 3 lottery own me, i realized how simple i am and how easily controlled i am as well. Here i was a 39 year old man, working daily to spend that same money on things i thought i had to have when i did not need any of them. I had been completely fooled, and easily manipulated, by an enemy.

You may think "why would i include Cash 3"? Because i literally had to be at a lottery store before 6:45 to make sure that i played my evening numbers.

I'm sure that you can relate to counting up change, as in all the money you have, period, to afford either alcohol or cigarettes. If you've done that then you have let some thing worthless rule over you. If you've ever stolen anything for something else - that something else is your 'order giving master' and you have been an obedient 'servant'. If you've ever been hospitalized because of your inability to say no, well you finish the sentence yourself, in your heart, truthfully.

Isaiah 40:28-31
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall.
31 But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

Trust Him, brother. He's truly your only hope.

Romans 5:6
For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.

Romans 5:7
For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die.
8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.
10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

And finally.

Romans 6:16
Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one's slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to dark, or of obedience leading to righteousness?

Ronnie, my prayers and thoughts are with you. Perhaps i'm wrong, but somehow i feel that you're punishing yourself for some part of your past. Whatever it is that's troubling you, or, if anything's even troubling you at all, know this. I love you and want the very best for you. Hospitals, institutions, and cemeteries, you do not belong in.

Peace be with you, God bless you, in Jesus' name.

your brother,
Tony

look out for chicks

Found it!
Here's the joke that I had sent to the bfe!

***** ***** *****

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the local police station and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing my chickens."

"What do you want us to do?" asked the policeman.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day the policeman had the Main Road’s workers go out to erect a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the policeman and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster!"

So, again, the policeman sends out the Main Road's workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up.

So Farmer John called and called and called, every day, for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the policeman, "Your signs are doing no good at all ... can I put up my own sign?"

The policeman said, "Sure, go ahead."

He was willing to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling to complain.

The policeman got no more calls from Farmer John.

Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the policeman and he decided to give Farmer John a call. “ How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did,” replied Farmer John, ”and not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy."
He hung up the phone.

The policeman was really curious and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign … it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers."

So he drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.

It was spray painted on a sheet of wood....

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NUDIST COLONY
Go slow and watch out for chicks!

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looking ahead

i thank you God for most this amazing day: for the leaping greenlyspirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes - e.e. cummings

I had sent the bfe a joke... I forget what it was... but I want to keep track of this conversation about our post-Spring semester travels. Up onto the sandy shore of my beach it goes!

***** ***** *****

Ha ha Faustina! That is very cute! You know I might be a bit pissed if I'd be expecting one chick and got another!

I hope your FL adventure went well. My Greek travels have been good so far! A few more days here in Ioannia (sp) and then to Italy for a while next week and ending in Athens at the end of next week! We will have to get together when I make my triumphant return to the 'vannah!

Stay safe and I hope all is well with you and your family (especially your brother),
Jeff

***** ***** *****

When you return next weekend, I will be in AL for my littlest niece's 3rd birthday.
Then I'll be visiting Tony that Sunday.
THEN I'll be in Sapphire, NC, at a place I've never been before. I had hoped Sam could join me, but she cannot get the time off work. So, I'll have the two-bedroom in the mountains all to myself. Hm... wonder what trouble I can get into???
LOL! You know me! The answer to that is NONE.
Florida was definitely the pause that refreshes. Baseball, my very own indie film fest, and a free concert from a Bruce Springsteen tribute band. The only way it would have been better is if the band had played more than two songs before the monsoon started!
Still, very nice to leave town and wake up somewhere else.
I'll be back from NC for just a couple of days before heading down to FL and Orlando with Christina and Jason, sans kids. THAT will be very nice!
Then I'll bop down to South Beach for a couple of days, come back via a couple more days in Orlando, then be here until that first weekend in July, when I'll be off to Augusta for the 30th anniversary celebration of my maternal cousin and her partner.
(Not the paternal cousin and her husband that I go to for Thanksgiving. jsyk)
Ronnie? He's back in his tent, back to drinking, but swears he's cut back.
He just doesn't get it.
But his Five Wishes living will is signed and witnessed, so he can live however he wants.
I refuse to take on any guilt for his choices.

Glad to know you're having fun times! Take plenty of pictures!

with my love,
Faustina the F-grrl

***** ***** *****

Faustina,

Wow....this is your Southeastern tour this summer! You should get a t-shirt made up of the dates and locations like a real concert t-shirt! Did I see that it was your birffday? If it is, happy birffday to ya! We will definitely need to celebrate when YOU make your triumphant return to the 'vannah!

Have fun and safe trips! And you be sure that you take some pictures and come back with some stories.

I am very sorry to hear about Ronnie, but you cannot control another human being :( I think you have been the best sister...the best human being anyone could be in that situation. Again, :(

Anyway, have fun and please do not burn up the southeast on your tour...you do not need to aspire to be Guns n' Roses or Motley Crüe on YOUR tour!

Jeff

***** ***** *****

Nice to have a physicist in your corner!

boy, george would like these!

More puns and twisted definitions from multiple sources!
Such delight!
These are right on time for my birthday, too.
Bonus!
Plus, there's some STEM stuff lurking near the end.
Bwah ha HA!!!

***** ***** *****

When instant replay was first used on tv in 1963, everyone wanted to see it again.

The evil witch needed more info about a sinister brew, so she looked it up on "wicked-pedia".

The runner who was late for the start of the marathon was not too swift.

The Australian marsupial was hired by the tree trimming service because he was "koala-fied".

The bracelet with the four-leaf clover fit like a charm.

The movie star made the headlines after he acted up.

The rattlesnake had trouble relaxing becasue he was "viper"-active.

The tightrope walker retired becasue he was tired of spending so much of his life on the line.

The dog was certain he'd made the cat very angry after seeing the tell-"tail" sign.

A medium gathering is a seance.

An itsy bitsy biter is a gnat.

A toaster is often a best man.

They were selling out of Beatles albums in record time.

Climbing the mountain was going fine until the weather went downhill.

She thought that winning the $1000 in the raffle was a grand prize.

After a hectic day, he was happy to have this to eat his slice of pizza: "piece" and quiet.

The postage stamps featuring the Mt. Rushmore carvings sold for face value.

He wanted to leave, but he didn't have enough get-up-and-go.

After discovering fraud at the aerospace company, the auditors would need to launch a probe.

It was time to plant the corn, and the farmer was ready to "pro-seed".

When it came to not telling the truth, he was "re-lie-able".

The barbeque on the army base was led by the "grill" sergeant.

When the cartoonist sketched the White House guard, he drew attention.

They bought the house next to the horse farm because they loved the "neigh-bors".

The frog couldn't build a deck where he lived, but he was able to make a "padio".

The town for cold trolls is Gnome, Alaska.

The singer's annoying relative was Gnat King Cole.

The more tournaments the tennis player won, the more he was able to enjoy his net worth.

The hula dancer was really sick. She had a bad cold and she couldn't shake it.

After buying the condo in the high rise, they lived it up.

After wearing his uniform for three days straight, Beetle Bailey was fatigued.

When the kids kept asking questions, their mom was all "no-ing".

The repairman was single and his customers wanted to fix him up.

He wanted to fish from the pier, but the marine mammals had it sealed off.

He thought he knew how many vampires were there, but he forgot to count Dracula.

The dogs that didn't get along were cross-breeds.

The psychiatrist began to worry about his business after it started to shrink.

The housekeeper had leftover sausages for lunch, which she polished off.

After carelessly puncturing all four tires, he would be flat broke.

After walking to the golf course near his house, he was ready for a long drive.

There wasn't a cloud in the sky when the new king began reigning.

The inventor of the felt tip pen said, "These will be a big hit - mark my words".

When the surgeon met himself in a parallel universe, it was a "pair-a-docs".

The staricase wasn't going to be finished on schedule because of all the missteps.

The paranoid, tree-phobic person shouted, "Fir get me not"!

Lazy trees are beech bums.

The Canadian asked the tree, "Are you oak, eh"?

The tree wasn't growing coconuts like it should, and in order to find out why, they hired a palm reader.

When her plum tree dried up due to summer heat, she decided to prune it.

He was told his billboard would be up in time for his grand opening, but there was no sign of it.

Working at the dog kennel can sometimes be a "ruff" job.

The poorly made abacus couldn't be counted on.

When he took his date on a little boat ride, it was "row-mantic".

***** ***** *****

Tired, but pleased to have invented the air conditioner, Carrier cooled his heels.

In inventing his elevator, Otis rose to the occasion.

Nervously testing his new invention, the Aqua-Lung, Cousteau took a deep breath.

In inventing the hot air balloon, the Montgolfier brothers got carried away.

Proving his invention of the joy buzzer to be a complete success, Adams shocked everyone.

Immediately upon inventing the box camera (but not the lens cap), Eastman snapped his fingers.

After inventing the forerunner to the modern toilet, Harington flushed with pride.

To celebrate inventing his revolutionary engine, Watt blew off some steam.

***** ***** *****

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein (usually)
Science is doing the same thing over and over and looking for a pattern. - Faustina Smith, analytical chemist

a more hopeful letter to the youngest bro

Dear Tony,

Hey! I had such a relaxing and rejuvenating trip to Daytona Beach! I had been fortunate enough to find the Thursday to Sunday spot available when I was searching a month or so ago. And it was even at my favorite place, the Daytona Beach Regency! Hooray!

While there, I saw some arthouse films at my favorite little theatre, Cinematique. And I arrived early enough on Thursday to catch Science Cafe there! I think you would have enjoyed it, too. First, we watched a PBS film, "400 Years of the Telescope". Then, a real-life astrophysicist, from the Embry-Riddle University there in Daytona, was there for an hour-long question and answer session. How very cool! I didn't even know they had a telescope there in Daytona.

On Friday, the new Single-A baseball team, the Daytona Tortugas, had Military Appreciation Night - and I got in for free! Yeah for being a veteran! It was a good game, too, against the Jupiter Hammerheads. Took 12 innings, but the Tortugas won! They're with the Cincinnati Reds. This is their first year in Daytona, replacing the Daytona Cubs. The crowd was very enthusiastic, though, for the new team. Me, too!

I spoke to Ronnie on Saturday and today. He seems to be very positive and even got his blood pressure prescription filled, Yeah!

Did I mention what I'm doing tonight? Besides mailing this card? :-)
I'm working at the Lucas for the SCAD graduation animation film fest! Woohoo! It's free, too, so I'll be back tomorrow night for Part 2. That's right, there are so many, they need 2 nights to show all of them!

See you on the 7th! Maybe not at 9 AM, but I will be there!

with my love

word up to my youngest bro

Dear Tony,

Well, I just heard from Ronnie. He decided to leave Michael & Melanie's and go back to the woods. Why? He cited the crying of the babies. I think it's because he had $20 from Michael, from helping with some car work, burning a hole in his pocket.
What an idiot.

Smitty is still working on getting the trailer ready for habitation. The flea infestation, both inside and out, has been ferocious. I was going to take Ronnie over there yesterday, to do some work in that yard while the inside was being bombed. Instead, when I called Ronnie to say I was on my way, he told me not to bother, as the bombing the day before had not killed the fleas. Smitty was getting the city to turn the water back on so the yard could be sprayed with insecticide.
Notice that Ronnie did not call me to tell me of the change in plans. He let me go ahead and start on my way out to Highway 17, rather than tell me so I could make other plans.
What an inconsiderate idiot.

I do hope Ronnie will stay sober. If he does not, Smitty will not let him move into that trailer.
It sure is hot to be choosing to live in a tent instead of a house.
What an idiot.

Still, I have to accept that this is not my problem. Ronnie is a grown man, entitled to make his own decisions. Or so the folks at Memorial Hospital repeatedly said.

I will continue to pray for him to make better decisions.
I will continue to pray for him to seek help for his alcoholism.
I will continue to pray.

The Serenity Prayer
O God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed,
The courage to change what can be changed,
and the wisdom to know the one from the other.
- by Reinhold Niebuhr, 1930's

with my love

response from my youngest brother

Yesterday, I received word from Tony for me to tell to Ronnie. This was in response to the letter I wrote to Tony on Thursday, May 7th.
Tony's letter is dated Tuesday, May 12th, so he must have written to me immediately.
In this time of instant notification by email and phone, the response time of the US Post Office seems rather slow. However, having lived and traveled in other countries, I can assure you that a ten-day turnaround is actually pretty good.
Here's what he had to say from north Georgia.

Hi, Tina, hang in there girl!

Wow. What a contrast from your card before to the last one. I've asked for some reinforcement and empowering prayers from 2 men i know are my brothers.

I'm actually at a loss for words to describe my feelings about what you're dealing with there. And about the sad-ass condition of my brother who is trapped in his own alcoholism. It's just so so sad. Pitiful really.

And i am so very sorry that you are having to deal with it. I love you Tina. You really are tremendously strong.

I love Ronnie too. This makes me just wonder - what in the world would or could drive Ronnie to such complete contempt and hatred of his own health and life? And, what appears to be his complete blindness to what virtually the entire country calls normalcy? What happened?!!

As i write i hope he is alive. I hope he has a desire to stay that way and improve. I hope he has already seen and realized that if and when he drinks that next beer that the rollercoaster ride starts again. I hope he can see, and cares about, what he's putting you through - continually. I hope he knows that i know. And that i care. And that there is never going to be any change in his life unless he wants it and he truely surrenders to God.

Lord help, in Jesus' name.
Lord help.

I'll make sure Ronnie gets the message.
Hopefully, he will listen.
For now, he is still at his son's house.
Hopefully, that will continue a few more days.

with hopes for the best

Dear Tony,

Well, for better or worse, Ronnie has been released from the hospital. For now, he is staying with Michael. I told Ronnie, before he left my house yesterday afternoon, that he had been granted an amazing opportunity to get to know his son. He should make every moment count.

I also told Michael to call me or Smitty if things become overwhelming. His twin baby girls come first. Period.

How did all of this come to pass? We had a family meeting with Ronnie's doctor, Dwayne Gard, with his case manager, Amber Barnes, and with his nurse of the day, Liddy, at 2 PM yesterday. Smitty, Michael (with his babies), and I all tried to convince Ronnie to go to rehab, telling him he could have a place to live and a job if he's sober. The doctor and the case manager tried to convince him to go to rehab, pointing out that most alcoholics, by the time they have reached his age, have already run off everyone who cared for them.
All to no avail.
Grace House? Union Mission?
Nope, he was not interested.
Very frustrating.
Then Smitty had to go back to a job site. Michael had to take his girls home. The doctor and the case manager went back to their schedules.
I was left with the task of getting Ronnie out of the hospital and off to... somewhere.
I am so very burnt out from this.
Seriously.

So, here's the situation.
I've set up Ronnie's new phone, the second one I have had to buy for him in less than two months.
Smitty has just picked him up to take him to Michael's house, as his fiancee (Melanie) has agreed to Michael's plan to have his papa stay there for a few days.
Smitty has a rental trailer which is currently unoccupied, but trashed. Smitty is going to get it cleaned up enough for Ronnie to stay there, then have Ronnie continue to fix it up.
Provided he stay sober and allow his liver to heal.

Me?
I'm off duty for the "Ronnie detail".
Christina and Jason and their foster son are joining me at the Gnats' game tonight, in about half an hour.
Tonight, it's my turn to recover and heal.

with my love

giving thanks to my youngest brother

Dearest Tony,

Thank you for choosing to improve your mind, to better your heart, and to change your outlook.

These were all choices you made, when others have opted to remain in their dark places, to continue harmful practices, to close their shutters to the outside world.

Thank you for choosing the Light.

with much love

middle brother update

Dearest Tony,

Yesterday, while I was there with Ronnie, Michael came by. He had his fiancee, Melanie, and their two twin girls - Ronnie's granddaughters - with him. What a bright spot in the day! This is the third time Michael has come to visit his dad, each time with the 6-month-old girls. Ronnie will perk up for a while, but is usually only good for about fifteen minutes. After that, he's ready for a nap.

Usually when I visit, he is sleeping most of the time. He'll rouse up briefly when I arrive. He'll also rouse up for meals and struggle through them, then it's right back to nap time. On Sunday, when I came by before the memorial service for my friend Ann, he was actually sitting up in bed when I arrived, watching SyFy and eating lunch. I was only able to stay about an hour and he was back to napping by the time I left.

His case manager came by yesterday and spoke with us while Michael was there. Even though Ronnie is not yet walking and still runs a fever, they are hoping to release him this week. The case manager wanted to know where he would be going.

We had no answer for her. He still is quite adamant about refusing rehab for his alcoholism. The first thing he wants to do when he is released? To get a 40 and guzzle it down. Seriously. I have explained to him that his body no longer wants the alcohol, as it has been more than a week since he had any. Now, it is only his mind that wants to drink, so he should go to rehab to learn how to train his mind away from the drug. He does not want to talk about rehab, at all, not with anyone.

This is all so frustrating, to watch someone else in the family die of liver failure. If liver damage was painful, there would be no alcoholics. Right? But, as the nurse practitioner and the case manager and everyone else there say to us, "he is a grown man and is entitled to make his own decisions".

I am preparing myself for the death of a brother. You should do the same. And we can both pray he will want to change, but also pray for strength to accept his choices about his own life.

with my love

bobby's socks

When I was growing up, we had a basket for all the newly-laundered socks which had come through the process with no mates. Most were white, some with stripes, some plain, all lone.
Once in a great while, a match would be found between one in the basket and a new sock straight from the dryer.
Once in a very great while.
Mostly, the lone socks became dust cloths.

My friend Lorrie posted this photo a couple of days ago and I stole it. (Hey, I told her I was going to do so, okay?)
I was impressed that she had
1) managed to amass such a collection of her husband's dress socks, and
2) bothered to take a photograph of them.
What does happen in the laundry room to those lost socks?

Perhaps they wander off to a parallel universe inhabited by one-legged creatures. In that case, the socks may well have been deliberately kidnapped.
No, that wouldn't be right.
Kidnappers want ransom or something in return.
With rare exceptions, the socks are taken and never returned. There isn't even an option provided for securing their passage back to their rightful owners.
They are simply gone.

Perhaps socks become sentient and take refuge under the washer or dryer.
When the warm and moist environment of most shoes is combined with the discarded genetic material from sloughed skin cells and attendant fungi, you have to grant that the creation of a new life form is a possibility.
I didn't say it was a good possibility, just that it should be taken into consideration.
If life forms can exist inside volcanoes and within frozen tundra, then why not in a warm enclosure such as a shoe?

Perhaps the lost socks disintegrate during the washing process. Quality control cannot be expected to catch every sock with an irregularity, right?
During the vigorous wash cycle, the cohesive bonds between the molecules within the fibers may be irretrievably broken, causing the molecules to go skittering down the drain with the rinse water.
I can absolutely see that happening!
Perhaps further testing is needed.

Any volunteers for those experiments?
We would need to use men's socks or children's socks.
Why?
With few exceptions, those are the only types of socks which disappear.
Seriously.
We could use a collection of women's socks as our control.

Feel free to conduct your own studies of the matter. I will be very interested in your results, truly I will.
Truly!

100 days and Mother's Day

Today marked the fifteenth Mother's Day since my mother's death and the first motherless one for the Unemori family.

This day was also the 100th since Panda Ann died.


What better day could there have been for a remembrance ceremony for a mother who so loved Japanese culture?
The 100 day funeral ceremony is a Buddhist practice. It s purpose is to provide final prayers before the soul passes on to heaven or is reborn here on Earth. During the ceremony today, there were no chanting monks to beseech Buddha on behalf of the departed.
Rather, her two daughters and her one son had arranged to share bits of their mother with us. On the table above, photographs of her throughout her life were strewn, inviting a closer look at these parts of her life unknown to most of us. Her as a child, her as a young woman in love, her as a mother. What a wonderful experience!
Her now-grown children also shared her favorite foods with us.
A selection of wines, including merlot, graced the dining table.
Also present were two cheese pizzas from Panda's favorite pizzeria, a pecan pie from her favorite bakery.

Best of all, they had made copies of her two published stories.
The tales had been included in an anthology from the Savannah Writers Group, in which she had once been quite active.
The copies were on this table, along with a book for us to write our remembrances of their mother.
I had wished I could have known her better.
Today, I was allowed to do so.

update to my youngest bro

Dear Tony,

Ronnie's color continues to improve, as does his attitude. Having him fill out the Five Wishes living will seemed to make sure he was aware of the direness of his situation.

He was not interested in writing to you or in dictation to me for you. I think yesterday he was going through denial, as well as the delirium tremens, so do not take umbrage at his actions. As time goes on, I will continue to try to convince him to contact you. He hasn't been interested in contacting anyone, really.

Fortunately, others have not felt that way about him. He has had several visits from his son and his daughter, as well as my daily trips to see him. Until Thursday, he had been a sourpuss about seeing anyone. Now, he at least tries to be sociable when someone is there. I brought him a bag of mini Snickers and he even gave one to his nurse. That was definitely better than he had been acting to them.

Yesterday, he had a fever all day. Also, as I said, he had DT's very badly. There were times that he was shaking so badly that he could have chipped his teeth if he had his mouth open. They are now giving him the Atavan orally, instead of by i.v., so it takes about thirty minutes to take effect. When I left yesterday evening, about 6:30 PM, he was resting and had not had anymore severe shakes for about two hours.

I am very concerned about his lack of energy. Just eating his meal wears him out. Seriously. He'll sit up in bed and spends all his energy just getting food onto a fork and into his mouth. After every meal, he lays down and takes a nap. He is that worn out.

I'm soon going to see him and I'll check his blood pressure and vitals. Well, I'll talk to the nurse about them, I mean. I'm hoping they will be back into normal range.

Then, I'm going out to the Jepson and enjoy some art. The Andy Warhol exhibit is soon leaving and there is also a Winston Churchill exhibit. Then, tonight, I'm seeing "Living is Easy With Eyes Closed" and discussing it with the JavaFlix folks. I look forward to that, for sure. I'll let you know how it goes.

with my love

ps That movie title is rather appropriate at this time, isn't it? But this has been planned for a month... life is strange. Timing is incredible.
pps The photo is from Thursday. I had bought him some little candy bars at the gift shop and he was sitting in the chair, enjoying one of them. Yesterday, he did not sit in the chair during the five hours I was there. Mostly, he slept.

about one brother, to another

Dear Tony,

I have been at the hospital with Ronnie every day sine Saturday. Wait - I was not there on Monday, as I had school most of that day. I spent Tuesday grading Final Exams at Memorial.

He had almost drunk himself to death. He has alcoholic hepatitis, though, not cirrhosis, so his liver can recover, if he gives it a chance. I don't think he will, as he has no intention of going into rehab. I'm working on him abou that, though, and will hopefully get him to change his mind.

Yesterday, he was able to walk for the first time since he went in. Very shaky, and cannot stand long enough to even have a shower, but at least he can now move from the bed to the chair.

His color is slowly returning to normal. He had been very yellow. His speech has also improved, though he tends to mutter instead of speaking out loud.

Yesterday, I walked him through the Five Wishes paperwork. That seemed to make the gravity of his situation sink in for him. Five Wishes is a living will and specifies what is to be done in emergency situations and what is to be done in case of death.

Smitty had also been there earlier yesterday and brought Ronnie some clothes. I think being able to wear clean clothing helped improve Ronnie's mood, but it also made him want to leave the hospital. I'm glad he is not yet steady enough to be allowed to do so.

Today, I am going to try to get him to write to you. I want him to make that contact, as you are not able to come see him. I'm hoping that action will also encourage him to make a change and go to rehab. Maybe.

Okay, I better get a move on. I hope all is well with you. I'm tired, but I'm hanging in there.

At least Ronnie has finally met his twin granddaughters. Michael brought them by on Sunday. The visit was brief, as Ronnie was in very rough shape and the girls are only six months old, but it was so good that Michael did that.

I love you, Tony.

still breathing in and out

That's his line.
Whenever he calls me, he says, "I'm just checking in, to let you know I'm still breathing in and out."
He means it only halfway as a good thing.
Now, he's in the hospital.
Again.
His alcoholism is catching up with him.
After more than twenty years of abuse, his 52-year-old body is about had enough. Yellowed skin, ragged complexion, and he walks like a man at least twenty years his senior.
At least I know he is in a safe place now.
My thanks to his long-time friends, Sue and Barbara, for calling me about his rapid change in condition.
It's good to know he has such good friends, still.