I have no control over my middle brother's choices or actions, but everyone he knows seems to think i do. They want me to allow him to live in my house. That's right, they think i should welcome his alcoholism, smoking, and lewdness. As long as the house is in disarray, it looks like there is no room for anyone else.
God knows i can't afford to have him here.
Again, i have no control over Ronnie's choices or actions. He has "lost" his phone for the fourth time this year. I am expected to buy a new one for him, again. I will, but i grow increasingly frustrated over this extra drag on my limited funds and time.
Again, I have no control over Ronnie's choices and actions. I have fielded text messages and phone calls and messages on facebook for the past week from friends who are concerned about him. They all want to accuse me of being uncaring about him. They do accuse my older brother of being uncaring.
We have been helping to take care of him for the past twenty years, especially since Mama died in 2001. We cannot sacrifice our lives to his choices and actions.
I have no control over my finances, as i am still only teaching part-time. I had thought i had a good part-time job set up to supplement that < $10k/year situation, but i was mistaken. I have applied elsewhere, but no word yet.
I have no control over cheating students. This semester, i have one particular student who constantly cheats. At least her partner is now trying to fly right. Still, it is a very frustrating situation.
I have no control over the choices and actions of other drivers. My poor car is now banged up on one side from a driver who ran a red light. My poor car has wreck wrap on its rear end to hold the trunk closed after a hit-and-run driver slammed into it. My poor car has only recently regained clutch action, again after damage from that hit-and-run driver.
My beautiful car once looked so good for her age.
It hurts my heart to see her this way, but i have no funds for cosmetic repairs. She moves when i need her to move and stops when i need her to stop, and those are blessings.
That was the message in the two movies I saw at the Royal Cinema today.
The work on my car took less time than I had expected - most likely because Tim the mechanic was looking out for me - so I took her for a spin out to Pooler.
You know, where it's cooler.
(Maybe you have to be from around these parts to get that joke.)
One of the movies was a limited-run foreign independent feature; the other was a newly-released science fiction blockbuster. Both were movies that very much appealed to me.
Each of them carried the same message to me.
"I am not alone."
"Meet The Patels" was the first film of my double-feature picture show. It followed Ravi, a 29-year-old single Indian man in the United States, still unwed and never with a girlfriend. At least that's what his parents thought! So, they convince him to allow them to help him find a wife. His sister, a couple of years older, also unwed, and his house-mate, is filming the whole process, probably to keep the focus Ravi and his troubles.
(Get it? That bit about "keep the focus"? Nice one, eh!)
(smile)
He was very uncomfortable about the dating process. The small talk, the whole business of trying to get to know someone and judging their compatibility over a lunch or dinner. His folks enlist the aid of all they know, as well as having him search Indian matrimonial sites and having him attend the Patel Matrimonial Convention, to enlarge the pool of possible wives for him.
Yikes. Meanwhile, his sister is realizing the things she may have been doing wrong on her dates as she watches her brother flounder around.
And I realized I was not alone in my dread of dating.
That's reassuring, in an odd way.
I've been married twice. The first time was with a guy I was going through school with in Great Lakes, Illinois. After just two years, we both realized we were not quite right for each other. Ten years later, I wed for the second time, this time with a man who worked with my friend Rhonda. I had thought that marriage would last forever.
Not quite, but it did last for fifteen years, and most of that time was happy.
I want that again.
I have no idea how to get it.
Like Ravi and his sister, I've tried two of the online dating sites, and had limited success with one of them. Like Ravi and his sister, I have found that manner of meeting people to be awkward and complicated.
Good to know that others have shared those experiences.
That's not to say that I don't know people who have successfully navigated those ether waters and emerged with a spouse in hand. In fact, those people started fishing at the same time I did in 2008. Those people are still married to the catches they found there, too.
So, it is possible, apparently.
The second movie today was "The Martian". Oddly, the message I heard from this one echoed that of the first. I am not alone.
Seeing the man on the red planet, stranded without company and without communication capabilities, turn to keeping a video journal for company resonated with me.
My journal isn't video format, although I do include photographs and pictures on occasion.
Many times, I am writing to clear my thoughts, to make sense of feelings, to record observations.
Mainly, I write to fill a void, to retain my sanity.
To not feel alone.
He was keeping his journal for the same reason, not knowing if anyone would ever see his messages, hoping someone would.
He truly was alone, 140 million miles away from the closest human, from another living creature, for almost four months before contact was finally made with NASA.
Watching him is when I realized: I am not alone.
I am on a planet with billions of other humans.
I have neighbors I can call upon for help.
I have family and friends, in town and scattered outward, that I can call or visit on facebook or in person. I am not alone.
My thanks to this website for helping me understand, in simple terms, how my clutch works. Howstuffinmycarworks not only provides an in-depth explanation of operational systems in mechanized vehicles, but also provides instructions and videos for you to do the work, should you decide to do so.
Best of all, the people explaining the operations are women.
That's right - women.
Hooray! The site has only been in operation since late 2006, but, now that I know it is there, I plan to share it with all the women I know. No longer should unscrupulous auto mechanics be able to prey upon those of the fairer sex!
I've been pretty savvy about basic car repairs since 1983. I had bought a POS Chevy Monza when a guy I worked with - big mistake - and it seemed to always need repairs. I did the oil changes, changed the spark plugs, set the timing, flushed the radiator, and even replaced the water pump. (That last one is how I injured my lower back...but that tale will keep for another day.) Of course, I was thirty-two years younger then, and could easily get under the car, if need be.
My next car was a 1983 Subaru. What a great car! Sadly, the spark plugs in the cramped little engine required a special tool to get to them, so I started leaving the grunt work for the professionals. One time, I had taken Surefoot to get an oil change and the guy behind the desk told me I needed a new timing chain. Oh, really? How could I need a new one when my car did not have a timing chain? What a scam artist, trying to steal money from fake repairs!
So...why am I revisiting the clutch in my car?
Well, on Tuesday, I had returned to Dixie Motors for the third replacement of the master cylinder. When I had taken it in last Thursday, again for clicking, they decided to try another source for the part. This master cylinder had been ordered from a different manufacturer than the first two.
Still, it came in a box, so we know what that means.
(smile)
I know you are wondering why I seem to be happy about all this. Honestly, it is because I know they have become a little embarrassed about my frequent trips back to them for the same repair. I have heard only good things about them from anyone I have told this tale to, so I trust them. If Tim and Mark say they are going to make it right, then I can take them at their word.
Plus, none of this has cost me another dime. They have absorbed the labor cost these two other times and are set to absorb yet more.
You see, this third master cylinder started losing its capability yesterday. No clicking sound this time, so that was good. But the problem was worse: my clutch was riding the floor and shifting, especially into first gear, had become an iffy proposition.
Yikes!
Tim, the mechanic who is now in charge of my car, had come to meet me when I drove up this morning. Frankly, he was amazed to see me! He had been sure the problem had been resolved. He verified that I had almost no clutch positioning and told me another master cylinder would have to be ordered. In the meanwhile, he would do what he could to adjust the clutch play so I could still drive.
And so he did.
I shall return on Tuesday for the fourth replacement.
I wonder what movies I'll see that day?
You see, that's another reason I haven't been too hard on them about all these extra trips to the shop. They are located near several restaurants, a Home Depot, a Target, and... a cinema! Frank Theatres offers "Tightwad Tuesdays", with all movies only $6 all day long!
Also, their medium popcorn is only $2.50 that day! So, I have deliberately been coming for the repairs on Tuesdays. I get to see two movies on the cheap and I even get a munchie treat!
So far, I have seen "Hitman: Agent 47" and "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." as a Tuesday doubleheader. (Excellent, but I think seeing the first one with "American Ultra" would have made for a better comparison and contrast discussion.) Good thing I saw that one about Ilya and Napoleon - I finally understand their relationship in the television series!
This week, I had another Tuesday doubleheader, featuring "Hotel Transylvania 2" and "The Perfect Guy". Totally different movies, but both new to me! This duo let me hear Mel Brooks again and gave me good dating tips, too. (Listen up: If your new catch doesn't introduce you to his chums, you should cut him loose and keep fishing.)
Plus, on my Thursday outings to Dixie, I have seen "Paper Towns" (actually seen with my first niece), "War Room", and "Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials". Quite a mixed bag, but good to have seen.
What will I see this next Tuesday? Most likely "The Martian" and "Everest", as they have just begun their run here in the cinemas and I have not yet seen them.
I'll have to let you know.
(smile)
me: So- here is an odd request. Would you make one of your goofy faces and send it to me? I need a laugh and that will help. me: Seriously. me: It is just insane sometimes the things that can make me desperately miss my mother. me: Just insane. me: Like the movie The Intern. That should be safe, right? Apparently not. me: Insane. bfe: Oh, gawd, don't you just love them! bfe: But you don't need some emoticon! What you need are...cats! I have two here for you:
bfe: That's the Tess!
me: Lol! How on Earth did you get her to consent to that shot? Beautiful.
bfe: Awwww, it's the Chlo!
bfe: Chlo always takes a good pic. She's always putting her paw on her hips and making a duck face. That's Chlo. me: I guess that's how Michelle Pfeiffer got started. :) bfe: Was there something wrong with the movie? We are thinking about seeing it this weekend. me: I think it was very good. It was the unconditional support of Ben for Jules that just clicked on a switch in my head. I don't know that i have it under wraps yet, but i am better. bfe: Well, you will be better after this...
me: ha ha ha :-). THAT was priceless, and you can tell her i said so. bfe: I was scratching her neck and I think you can see the smile on her face! me: Most def. Thanks. Got to go. Sandy is in the Story Slam and it's starting. bfe: Have a good night Faustina, and when you go to bed, have sweet dreams.
Note: The above photo is from one of my older posts. Why is it here?
Because I like the message.
(smile)
Almost a month has passed since my younger brother commented about the state of my car. I should have addressed the issue earlier, but... well, you know. I've been a bit distracted since the car accident.
Here's what he wrote in that August 25th letter.
"Just a note to say hi and i love you! Again, i am so glad that you are not hurt from the accident.
I must say that i was a little surprised when i read in your letter that the value of your car is only $900.
Not that having a $900 car is a bad thing. But depending on a $900 car for all the traveling that you do seems just a bit risky. Please make sure that you stay safe, okay? Thanks. I really love you so do be careful! - Cool. :-)"
What a sweet thing for him to say!
Truly, I was touched that he should worry so.
I had intended to write to reassure him about the car, but one thing came up after another. While I was waiting for something noteworthy, time passed.
Today, just a few minutes ago, I finally rectified that.
Here's my message to him.
"I do appreciate you being concerned about my car. Trust me, I keep up with the maintenance on it, especially oil changes, brakes, and tires.
Cosmetic things, like how it looks, really aren't the things that get you from Point A to Point B.
Like people and books, the outside isn't anywhere near as important as the contents."
