middle brother update

Dearest Tony,

Yesterday, while I was there with Ronnie, Michael came by. He had his fiancee, Melanie, and their two twin girls - Ronnie's granddaughters - with him. What a bright spot in the day! This is the third time Michael has come to visit his dad, each time with the 6-month-old girls. Ronnie will perk up for a while, but is usually only good for about fifteen minutes. After that, he's ready for a nap.

Usually when I visit, he is sleeping most of the time. He'll rouse up briefly when I arrive. He'll also rouse up for meals and struggle through them, then it's right back to nap time. On Sunday, when I came by before the memorial service for my friend Ann, he was actually sitting up in bed when I arrived, watching SyFy and eating lunch. I was only able to stay about an hour and he was back to napping by the time I left.

His case manager came by yesterday and spoke with us while Michael was there. Even though Ronnie is not yet walking and still runs a fever, they are hoping to release him this week. The case manager wanted to know where he would be going.

We had no answer for her. He still is quite adamant about refusing rehab for his alcoholism. The first thing he wants to do when he is released? To get a 40 and guzzle it down. Seriously. I have explained to him that his body no longer wants the alcohol, as it has been more than a week since he had any. Now, it is only his mind that wants to drink, so he should go to rehab to learn how to train his mind away from the drug. He does not want to talk about rehab, at all, not with anyone.

This is all so frustrating, to watch someone else in the family die of liver failure. If liver damage was painful, there would be no alcoholics. Right? But, as the nurse practitioner and the case manager and everyone else there say to us, "he is a grown man and is entitled to make his own decisions".

I am preparing myself for the death of a brother. You should do the same. And we can both pray he will want to change, but also pray for strength to accept his choices about his own life.

with my love