Monday, 21 April, 7:50 to 9:13 PM
me: My first early night home!
Hai: Congratulations!!! You finish that test yet you slacker!?!?!?
me: Did not have a chance this morn. Will do later tonight. For now, I eat cantaloupe!
Hai: Again, it's a good thing you're not Asian. There would be no cantaloupe for you until you're done with writing that test.
me: Then I am VERY glad to not be Asian. I do like the cantaloupe.
Hai: You should be -
me: I really didn't have any say in that. It is not something I could CHOOSE, like religion or politics or fav color.
Hai: Again be grateful.
me: But it is not something which can be changed. It is best to accept and to use one's heritage as an asset and a strength.
Hai: Sounds like soft hearted white folk talk to me.
me: Actually it is eldest daughter of an alcoholic and an overworked mom. That means i had to be the responsible one at all times. part of the reason i enlisted.
Hai: You're not the only one. Again yous ain't Asian.
me (starting to fray at the ends): And i can never be Asian. I can no more change my skin or heritage than anyone else can. People would do well to remember that. Down with bias!
Hai: Actually you can. Pigmentation surgery and yous Asian. BOOM!!!! Again more soft hearted white folk talk.
me (really unraveling): That is not right.
Hai: It's just life.
me: I do hope you are just yanking my chain. I am NOT just some kind hearted 'white folk'.
Hai: Tsk tsk jumping to conclusions again.
me: Well, it is hard to catch a teasing tone from a text.
Hai: Exactly.
me: That's why I really do not like texting.
Hai: You and everybody.
me: No, not true. Secrest only texts, except to his parents.
Hai: Again, text tone.
That's when I found myself in tears and elected to stop participating in the conversation. I had gone from perfectly elated at having most of my Monday evening back in my possession (yeah!!! no more labs!!!) to utterly inconsolable and unclear of the origin of my sorrow.
Then I realized why. Five years ago today, I was at work that Tuesday morning when my cell phone rang.
Caller: "Hello, may I speak to Jeff McDermott?"
Damn. Someone who didn't know we were divorced and I had ported over the old home number as my cell number.
me: "He cannot be reached at this number anymore. We are divorced and he is living in Mississippi. I could give you his new number."
Caller: "I'm calling from the dialysis center. Sam Johnson had given us this number to contact."
me: "Oh. I know Sam. Is there anything I can do?"
Caller: "Well, he didn't show up this morning for his dialysis appointment. Usually, when he isn't going to make it, he calls to reschedule, but he hasn't and we haven't been able to reach him."
me: "I know his brother Anthony was to pick him up today to take him there. Have you spoken to him?"
Caller: "Yes, we talked to him, and he is on his way to Sam's place now."
me: "Okay, I'll see if I can contact him, too."
Caller: "Thank you. Please have him call us and let us know what is going on."
What the hell...
So, I called Sam's phone number.
A depressed voice answered: "Hello?"
Me, voice cracking: "Anthony??? This is Tina. Why are you answering Sam's phone???"
I knew the answer before he spoke.
Anthony: "He's dead. I came here to pick him up and he's dead."
Me, sobbing: "Anthony, I am so sorry. The dialysis center called me to say he hadn't shown up this morning and I didn't know why he would have missed his appointment..."
Anthony: "Tina, I'm going to have to call you back. I can't talk right now."
And my day in 2009 had gone from perfectly fine, cruising at 90 miles per hour with windows down, to a heart-crushing halt.
Perfectly understandable. Sam had been my rock, my beacon, my voice of sanity, guiding me down from the ledge of pure crazy many a night in the past two years.
Why had a simple verbal tousle with Hai had such an effect on me???
I ended up running off to the cinema, which, miraculously, had a 10 PM showing of "Rio 2", an animated film which would be guaranteed to brighten my smile and ease my heart.
Just so you understand what an incredible stroke of good fortune this was: the cinema which was showing this film only has late movies on Fridays and Saturdays. For all other days of the week, the last film begins in the 7 PM time slot.
Why they had this film at this time on a MONDAY was beyond me, but I was truly grateful they did.
Moreover, I had a Groupon for the cinema, so I was able to go with no money in hand. I got free popcorn, too.
Definitely an angel was looking out for me.
So I laughed and smiled at the silly jokes and sang along with the sweet songs and admired the bright, dancing color displays and aerial acrobatics.
Then I came home, mood elevated, and turned on the television to find... ABRACADABRA!!! A musical! Specifically, "That 70's Musical" was on!!! And it even had Roger Daltrey in it!!! He even ate a cheeseburger in the smoky Foreman basement!!!
Ah, my angels were working purely sweet magic for me!
Not only did I watch the episode, gleefully, from start to finish, but I also took pictures of several scenes! Then, after it ended, I immediately searched online to find it so I could watch it AGAIN! And AGAIN I took pictures!!! Wow!
I was up until almost 4 AM.
I slept the blessed sleep of one who is cherished, while visions of dancing and singing Foremans and Fez and company twirled and swayed in my dreams.
Today, while waiting for students to come during my Office Hours, I wrote down the texts which ran along the ether highways twixt me and Hai, so I could remove them from my phone. As I did, I understood what had caused my psyche to swerve into a ditch two days ago.
me: I just figured out how i went from okay to in tears from our conversation on Monday.
Hai: How so?
me: I was looking back at the texts and when i got to the one where you said 'BOOM!!!', that is what triggered it. Made me think of Sam.
[He liked to say BOOM goes the dynamite!]
Hai: Ah got ya.
me: Monday marked five years since i got the call from the dialysis center looking for him.
Amazing how just one word can rouse so many memories.
Hai: The mind's a powerful thing.
me, trying to lighten the mood: The surplus of exclamation points didn't help. Just one would have sufficed.
Hai: Sorry, extra exclamation points are my thing.
me: No way, Jose!!! They are MINE, all MINE!!! White person prerogative.
Hai: Again, the white folk stealing everything.
me: Bwah ha ha, Hai!!!
Thank God I leave tomorrow for a trip of distraction, in memory of Sam and Daddy and David and Ann.
I will still have to finish writing the test on my return.
Especially as I am giving it to my students on the 28th.
No comments:
Post a Comment