finding my confidence again

What a slow slog it has been in this effort to recover from the accident.
i thank God that the Fall semester has begun!
That is forcing me out of the house,
into the car,
onto the road.
Sure, I've been going to see my boys of summer... but that is just around the corner from the middle school I attended. My family lived too close for the bus to pick me up, so I walked the mile and a piece to it.
In other words, it's pretty close and I know the non-busy route.
Sure, I've gone to some movies, too... but those are no farther than the stadium... and I know the safer ways to them.
The grocery store is less than a half-mile from my house.
I've had my car back for less than a week. That means, really, I've been off the road for most of two weeks.
Me.
Not driving.
For most of two weeks.
That is unheard of. Everyone knows what a social butterfly I am, attending diverse events all over town, spreading the love and the joy.
Of late, that has only happened if someone has fetched me to the event.
After the drive to Tybee on Friday, I cancelled my attendance at Angela's birthday party. It was to be held at Tybee, all day on Saturday.
I simply was not up for the drive and the weekend traffic and trying to finding parking and... I was not up for it.
Her daughter's birthday is later this month, so I will be sure to be there. It's in town, even though it will be southside, at Olive Garden.
That's near the school.
By the end of the month, I'll have plenty of practice driving out that far.
I'll have to do so. Now that school has begun, I have a responsibility to thirty paying clients to be the one in charge, two nights a week.
The invisible trees will just have to take a break.

NEVER disengage from a 911 call until help arrives

I have been in tears for most of the day.
One person after another has had bad news for me, all day long. One after another, the people I called upon for aid, the people in charge, had no help for me.
The Police Reports division had told me this morning they had no record of the report being filed by Officer Powell. Several calls later, Sargeant Cleveland Lovett had determined that the report had, indeed, been filed on Monday evening, just as Officer Powell had said he would do. However, though filed, the report had been lost within the software program ("GEARS world", as the Sargeant called it) they use for reporting. I was told that there is nothing more to be done until they can speak with the software representative in the morning, a person who will hopefully be able to retrieve the report, a person who has had to do this several times for the police department.
That means my insurance company can do nothing for me at this time. Until GEICO has the Police Report, they cannot arrange for an appraiser, for a rental car, for nothing to help me.
The call about the 911 operator not dispatching help to me? Well, it took two hours to be resolved. And when the resolution did finally arrive, it was in the form of an accusation of my actions. That's what I was told by Judy Miller, the one in charge of complaints about 911 operators.
I posted her advice on facebook, to enlighten the world.

To one and all: NEVER disengage from a 911 call until help has arrived.
Got that?
It was MY FAULT for trusting that help was on the way.
So, NEVER let that happen to you.
Thank God I wasn't having a heart attack.

The rallying round of my friends and family has been reassuring.
I'm even going to dinner and to see "The Phantom Lady" at the Sentient Bean tonight, courtesy of my dear friend the librarian.
That doesn't mean I'm over all of the hurt bestowed upon me today by people who are supposed to have my best interests in mind.
The police department.
The 911 system.
The insurance company.
I may consciously admit that they are doing what they can, but my heart and psyche are bruised and broken.

Responses from those who know and love me have helped.
I'm including them in the body of this post, instead of as comments afterward.
I need them right here.
The bfe will know what that means.


Marguerite Dismukes Fischer Are you okay?
August 5 at 6:19pm

Faustina Smith I don't seem to have any wounds that show. My heart and psyche are terribly bruised from the whole ordeal. I cry every time I talk on the phone to yet another person who SHOULD be helping, but is instead BLAMING ME or passing the buck. Very disheartening.
August 5 at 6:25pm

Megan Dunphy Rakaric I'm sorry you are having such a terrible time with this. I wish I could help somehow...
August 5 at 6:38pm

Faustina Smith Prayer is good. I am truly having a crisis in faith right now.
August 5 at 6:40pm

Jackie Frant Is this still the yesterday accident. Or has something new been brewing?
August 5 at 7:09pm

Faustina Smith same one
August 6 at 1:33pm

William Peterson "Lots of people claim to be loyal and loving, but where on earth can you find one?"
~ Proverbs 20:6 So sorry you are going through this. Sometimes life presents challenges that are difficult to understand.
August 5 at 7:14pm

Faustina Smith Thanks for the phone call.
August 6 at 1:34pm

Pat Andres Sending good vibes.
August 5 at 7:55pm

Juliet Fabbri Withem trust me Faustina, it is not like that everywhere. And don't feel bad; we've called in shots fired, identified ourselves as the police and we don't get police contact either. "You're not in Kansas anymore Dorothy.."
August 5 at 8:14pm

Hema Kaviratna I am so sorry Tina. Remember what doesn't kill you makes...
August 5 at 8:40pm

Jennifer Cohen Incorvaia Praying for you. Let me know how I can help.
August 5 at 10:44pm

Lindsay McCord Norman I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope they find the person so justice can be properly served.
August 5 at 11:06pm

Linda L. Walker Please le me know what is the matter and if you need me to come.
August 5 at 11:09pm

Sandra Voelker Sorry you are in such a sucky situation (((hug)))
August 5 at 11:21pm

Rachel Strickland Sending you hugs from afar to heal
August 6 at 12:57am

JinHi Soucy Rand I am so sorry you are getting such shit from those people, Tina. Know that I love you and am so glad you were not more seriously hurt, and I know that you are right in this matter.
August 6 at 1:07am

Penny Walker Bos Lovelovelove YOU
August 6 at 9:25am

Faustina Smith Thanks, y'all. I have uploaded the police report to my claim, but it may yet be another few hours until anything happens. Officer Powell delivered it to my door.
August 6 at 1:36pm

Faustina Smith Many thanks for Kristin Stout for being my knight in shining armor last night. I very much enjoyed dinner and a movie with you and your family and having a chance for some time with your bouncing - literally- baby boy.
August 6 at 1:38pm

Kristin Stout Thank you for the awesome company!
August 6 at 1:41pm

Faustina Smith My thanks, also, to Axelle Kieffer, Jordan Mooney, Jim Reed, Teri Lowery, and Carolyn for getting me out of my head last night and making sure I got home safely. Y'all are fabulous!
August 6 at 1:40pm

hit and run

Honestly, the song that comes to mind, in between the tears, is this one by Def Leppard.
Here's what I posted on facebook just moments ago.

"To the white, brunette female in the white SUV that slammed into the back of my car on E-516 yesterday, just before the Montgomery Street light, and then DROVE AWAY: Officer Powell informed me that the police have traffic cameras at that "reduce speed" caution light. YOU WILL BE FOUND AND PROSECUTED FOR BEING A HIT-AND-RUN DRIVER.
Meanwhile, if anyone knows someone who witnessed the accident, about 1:30 PM yesterday (Monday, August 3), please contact me or the police dept and ask for Officer Powell. The road was full of people and we were all stopped for the light when the reckless driver hit me."

Honestly, I am still in shock.
My poor, disabled car is sitting, crippled, in my driveway.
I had it towed here, to my home, rather than to a service center.
I know I wasn't thinking clearly. I was almost home from the weekend trip to the wedding in Tennessee, the visit in Summerville, and the birthday of my great-niece.
I was almost home.
I am so glad I had stopped for an early lunch, to have an iced tea and use a bathroom. I almost had forgone that side trip. After all, it's only about two hours from Louisville to Savannah. I should have made it with no problem, even with the sporadic rain showers.
However, considering that I sat in the heat, in the left-hand pull-out on ever-busy Lynes Parkway for more than forty minutes, waiting, waiting, waiting for help to arrive... taking that early lunch break was a blessing.
Another blessing is that I was not seriously injured.
Sure, when the stray police officer riding westbound pulled over to see what was going on, and I found out that the 911 dispatcher had botched the call, I lost it and started hyperventilating. He must have seen in my eyes that I thought I was going to die. He immediately changed his call with the dispatcher from Code 5 to Code 8 (or something like that) and an EMS crew and police officer arrived within minutes. The EMS duo found my blood pressure was crazy high (180 over 110); after they had me sit in their cool van for a few minutes, those numbers had both dropped 20 points. They had me sign off that I did not want to go to the hospital.
Of course I didn't want to go to the hospital. All of my important possessions were now in a car with a busted trunk. I wanted to go home, to try to feel safe again.
And I wasn't in any pain.

Here are the responses from those who know and love me.
These are posted right here, not afterward as comments, because I need for them to be part of this post.
Please bear with me.

Jim Casey Are you ok? Somehow I feel certain you have a sore neck and stiff back.
August 4 at 10:34am

Faustina Smith I do not as of yet. I was very relaxed, just enjoying the tune on the radio, and I think that probably saved me. I had no idea she was screaming up behind me until she actually hit my car.
August 4 at 10:40am

Lorretta Ruggiero Hope they get her!
August 4 at 10:36am

Kristin Stout Oh my! I hope you are alright!
August 4 at 10:40am

Faustina Smith I think I may be alright. I was very relaxed at the time of the collision, so that helped. My trunk was shifted inward by 3 inches and the clutch came disengaged. I hope she has blue paint all over the front of her vehicle. I hope she goes to jail.
August 4 at 10:42am

Faustina Smith The scariest part was when the police officer came by, on his way to elsewhere, and I found out the 911 dispatcher had not sent assistance to me. I started crying hard and hyperventilating - very scary. EMS checked me out and, except for elevated b.p. and pulse, I was okay.
August 4 at 10:47am

Faustina Smith I had already been waiting 40 minutes.
August 4 at 10:48am

Heather Szatmary Let me know if you need anything. Still on summer schedule and very flexible.
August 4 at 10:50am

Keller Jones Probably the same one who hit me four years ago...White SUV, brunette with shoulder length brown hair. Weasley her way our of it in front of five or six witnesses, by saying "Now I'm not SAYIN' I ran the red light. Do you hear me?..."
August 4 at 10:57am

Faustina Smith Sounds like her. The traffic camera is going to send her sorry self to jail and strip her of her drivers license.
August 4 at 10:45pm

Bunny Jones Roberts Oh, no!
August 4 at 10:58am

Eric De LaSalle Omg Faustina, are you ok?
August 4 at 11:08am

Jean Marie Morgan Oh no! Are you ok?! We will be praying for you and keep us posted on how you're doing as well as catching the "lady" who hit you
August 4 at 11:11am

Sarah Logan-Reynolds I'm glad that you are okay!
August 4 at 11:15am

Susan Goodwin So sorry that happened, Tina.
August 4 at 11:45am

Emily Barry Blackmon Glad you are okay!!!
August 4 at 11:59am

Lindsay McCord Norman I'm so sorry! I hope you weren't injured?
August 4 at 12:00pm

Sandra Cherise Karlin That's awful! Sorry, Tina! Hopefully someone got her license plate number and will turn it in. Glad you are okay!
August 4 at 12:06pm

Shea Lee Are you ok?
August 4 at 12:28pm

Jackie Frant Are you ok?
August 4 at 12:28pm

Sharon Frain Novinger I'm sorry!! Hope you are doing better!
August 4 at 12:30pm

Sherry LuvsLyfe Allen You didn't get hurt did you?
August 4 at 12:59pm

Fae Hill Kameron I hope that she is identified and charged. Do you know if the police alert local body shops when incidents like this happen?
August 4 at 6:42pm

Faustina Smith I have no idea. I hope so.
August 4 at 10:46pm

Kathy Landers Schaal Oh no!! Glad you're ok!! Keep us posted.....
August 4 at 8:11pm

Jo Coleman Are you o k? One doesn't usually feel the aches and pains until the adrenaline wears off. Take it easy
August 4 at 10:23pm

Faustina Smith So far, I seem to be okay. Usual aches and pains from being on this planet for more than five decades. I'm glad I had no idea it was going to happen until it did. My feelings are hurt more than anything else, by her dastardly behavior, by the neglect of the 911 operator. And by the disabling of my car. I was returning from a wedding in TN and had all kinds of plans. As always, right?
August 4 at 10:50pm

Jo Coleman And in addition to the physical.... There is the disappointment that people don't treat us the way we treat them. Karma will get her
August 6 at 2:38pm